Urgent - need advice asap

[Jerri]

I just posted on my MLC Maybe thread - I really need urgent advice on the lastest set of texts from my H.

Well just received a bunch of texts from H. Saying he came when he knew I wouldn't be there as he didn't want an ugly scene, oh and he didn't want to hurt me any more. Then he went on to say he doesn't "think" he'll be coming back and we should come to an amicable agreement but business isn't great so I need to look for a job. Oh and he'd be willing to meet with me to discuss.
And he wishes me well but had to do this as he couldn't go on any longer.

What do I do, do I reply and agree to meet? Do I just go straight to an attorney?

I just don't know what to do. Help

[kjensen]

Hi Jerri,
I just tried to catch up to your sitch on your other thread. I think I would take Snodderly's advice of protecting yourself and your children, getting advice from an attorney. Seeing an attorney for advice doesn't mean you are throwing in the towel, so to speak. Also, whatever your DB coach-Jodi might have suggested as damage control I would still try and stick with that plan.

Just because he texted you with this recent info, doesn't mean you have to do anything. You can do Nothing-I think we all forget that is always a choice on the table and sometimes doing nothing is the best thing. Time allows tempers to quiet. Time allows for people to become more rational and less emotional.

Although his taking his things is a big trigger for lots of hurt/angry emotions on your end-don't act on those. They are his things, he is taking them to make himself feel better, to feel control or whatever. He didn't take them necessarily to hurt or anger you. Take a step back. Has anything really changed besides some of his stuff is out of the house?

If you haven't read in the mid-life archive forum the stages of MLC and advice for the MLCer- I would read those posts. Understanding what people are going through as they enter this phase of their life can help you not take your H's actions and words so personally(because most MLCers do and say alot of the same things).

[Jerri]

So basically I should not reply to his latest messages? I should talk to an attorney and take it from there?

[SoCo]

Hey Jerri,
I have read your thread and I would say to protect yourself and your kids legally right now. That is what I'm doing. Try not to worry about what he is doing. My h kept threatening to take the kids (and did take d3) around his 18yo crazy girlfriend, and later delayed/reduced the amount of money he had been giving for the kids, so I had to have my attorney respond to these things. We are currently waiting to come to an agreement with J and his attorney on the things in the temp. orders. I'm hoping it is done early this week. We were supposed to go to hearing this past Monday, but J's attorney delayed since he has pretty much made every bad move in the book and flaunted it to the world. Would have looked very bad to a judge. I know that for myself, personally, I will feel much better when there are orders in place. I can't trust this man any farther than I can throw him. My number one priority is to protect my kids and myself right now. I don't know if you are at that point yet or not, only you can judge. I don't even think my h is still on the mother ship. I think he has even moved beyond it. Out into orbit.

You will be okay no matter what happens. Look out for yourself and your kids. Do not trust him on anything at this point. Do not engage with him, just quietly go about your business. Anyway, that is my 2 cents. Not that I'm an expert by any means...

[Jerri]

I've got a call in to an attorney I called when my H first left. Waiting for a call back. All my children are grown and out of the house - well D is still in school - but financially I don't have to worry about them.

I do have to worry about me. I don't work. I had a part time job a few years back - lost that for various reasons and when I went looking for a new job got nowhere. Signed on at three agencies, sent in over fifty applications and got nowhere (secretarial). I finally found a job cleaning houses, that totally ruined in my hands (now have carpal tunnel and basal joint arthritis in both hands). Had to give that up then I did grooming for two years - the pay sucked, my hands got much worse and the physical demands of the job were too much. So haven't worked in three years. Oh and I broke my ankle badly 7 years ago so standing for any length of time is out.

He's saying that business is bad yet just last week he ordered a custom made seat for his motorbike for $1,000!!!!!!!

[Kimmie Lee]

Go pitch black and call an atty.

How considerate that he doesn't want to hurt you....

It cracks me up how WAS's think you should be a good little girl and do what they say. Start calling some shots of your own. It blows their little mind that you can actually make your own decisions.

[job]

Jerri,
I'm going to give you a couple of suggestions.

1. Please try to keep to one thread here. When you have more than one going at a time, posters cannot keep up w/you and the events transpiring in your life.

2. He's talking BS about not wanting to hurt you. It's more like he wants you to think he's got your best interests at heart. Run, do not walk, to the nearest lawyer for advice. He's already starting to pull out the sympathy card about work, economy, etc. Protect yourself and do not worry about him...he's quite capble of taking care of himself and screwing you over royally and you not receive any pleasure, but heartache from it.

[Jerri]

I'm sorry about starting the separate thread - couldn't figure out a way to change the title!

I have an appointment with the lawyer on Friday.

I have not replied at all to his texts of today. And I'm not buying the "business is bad" deal especially as just last week he ordered a custom made seat for his motorbike for a mere $1,000 (I have the invoice). I also discovered he'd been looking at yachts for sale (2006 motor yacht priced at $399,000) and planes (roughly the same sort of price).

I don't need to change the locks on the house as he doesn't have keys - the only reason he got into the house on Saturday was my friend was staying here dogsitting (he knew she would be here) and there was no way legally she could keep him out.

I am becoming more accepting of the fact that the marriage is over.

[job]

That's quite okay. A lot of posters don't know how to change sthe subject line. When you post....look above where you are typing your response and you'll see subject..you can change it there for the response.

These guys will pull out all stops to get us to feel sorry for them so that we do not ask for what is rightfully ours, or better yet, they like to hide things so that we can't share in the wealth. They become very selfish and would rather cut their arms off then give you your fair share.

Just stay the course and keep your emotions out of the business deal these days. He broke the contract, therefore, you now need to have thing settled up.

Take are of yourself.