A New Decade - Part 2

[Sanderika]

Hi MsM,

Just dropping in to wish you well....I disappeared again for a while. My sitch is taking up a lot of time in my mind.

I just finished reading your last thread and this new one....

There's a new twist in your world!!!!

I wondered before if your H was missing you and feeling regrets just as the D papers were being started. Looks like he's not going to let you go. Glad you are taking baby steps. It's crossed my mind that you have been so good to him with a pending D that he now realizes you are too wonderful to let go of.

I am equally pleased to hear that you are in an emotionally ready place to D. Likewise, leaving the door open to a possible reconciliation, and still having no expectations. Very good for you!!

I sure wish you all the best with your H. I completely understand your thoughts about the marriage having to end in order for the two of you to have a new relationship. I have often had those very same thoughts. I never want our "old" behaviors thrown in our faces. I think we are now two very different people and we deserve fresh starts. I make it a habit to never mention past behaviors or choices my H has made over the past 44 months or even before he had left me. I don't think it would be fair to him. If we are able to reconcile, we will both want to forget the ugly things that happened to us in the past. We can't grow/move forward as a couple if we dwell there and it would only cause pain and hurt. We have learned many lessons on this journey, this is one of them.

I remember talking about you lending money to your H before. I think after pondering on all the ramifications of it I would have lent him the money too.

You and JCJ have mentioned how our friends and family would feel about a reconciliation and how they would treat our H's. My friends will support me, I am sure. They love me and know that I truly want to reconcile my marriage. I do realize it will be very difficult in the beginning to be in social situations with them.

My family wants me to D him so bad for all he has done to us. They hate him now. After our 30 years together and all I have been through to try and reconcile with my H, I know that I have lost my family over this. They don't understand. I am not even on speaking terms with most of them because they are so unhappy with me. Family get togethers will cease to exist on my side. I wish things were different and am afraid things are unfixable with them now.

My H's family will be very awkward for me at first. They are a mixed bunch on thoughts, none of them like the OW and am quite sure they will all except me back with open arms. I have regular contact (every two weeks) with my FIL because of my son. I have not had any contact with the rest of them for almost 3 years now. Still I love them all and want to be a part of their family. My FIL keeps me up to speed on their news and activities. I also have to admit that it was me who broke off contact from them. I got to a point where I was so ashamed of my sitch that I could not be with them for fear of what they might be thinking especially after I knew they had met the OW.

It is such a shame the toll a D takes on everyone not just the immediate family. In my sitch this has effected literally everyone we know in a negative way. I am so very sad about that.
I wish this all had never for happened for that reason.

Well, MsM....Onward and Upward for you!!!!!

I will keep a watch on you and I certainly am sending you good wishes and hope that this works out the way you want it to....

Take care, my friend....

Sanderika