it seems that my no R talks the time we spend together and the fact that we had an only family Easter got to him somehow. He sounds worse everytime he calls. I did ask what's wrong again and why he feels this way, if he knows the reason. He said he is in a bad mood ever since he left the house yesterday.
We agreed we cant go on like this for much longer. He agreed to WRITE to me what he wants and how he wants us to proceed (Sara, if you are out there, it only took him 4 months!!!). I am not expecting anything soon but it seems he is getting uncomfortable with the situation also.
It really is a sick situation. We are supposed to be reconciling for 6 months, still separated (thank God), not seeing each other alone at all, no convos, no affection, just... co existing in different houses. Our families are confused, our friends have started expressing that we are "pathetic", our kids are in the middle of this and nothing ever happens.
I am not sure what hit him this time. Maybe my comments about taking my kids on vacation to the same place with my brother again, some videos he watched of the kids when they were babies, the fact the minute he walked out the door the kids and me just resumed our life the way we are used to. I have a feeling he felt he is not missed and/or needed. Something shifted today. Ali, this must be it, right?
Anyway, I dont know how long it will last. He started on the phone some BS like "you cant stop me from expressing what I feel and you cant judge me" which I replied with "I've been trying to get you to talk for years, what makes you think I want to stop you now and I am not judging you as a person but I sure as hell can and will judge you as a H if I want to because I am the only one entitled to an opinion about what you did to us and our family" , all that in context of course.
I hope he sees the light, either way. It seems he is now entering a new phase of looking "inside". And I think that he is forced to do it because I didnt "give in" to the nothing he is offering. I maybe wrong but it feels like he realises that unless he changes, I am not settling. I think he expected me to be begging for him to come home by now. I feel good about my aproach. I am holding on to what I've said here so many times. If he is not all the way here, I am not going to settle. And I am ready for the consequences. K
PS. My parents asked me why we didnt joing them at my uncle's house. I told them I am still not sure if Iw ant to be married to this man even though I do love him in a way. They didnt say anything. They can tell I am serious.
