Tielbeagle, I remember you when I was on here so much of time last yr. Your sitch sounds so much like mine only my H moved out, (back and forth 3 times in one yr) and is currently still living away. He also has always cared for me a great deal. I took his love for granted, and we grew apart and he started an A with someone he had known for yrs. He ended the A a long time ago, but we have not fully recovered from it. The betrayal is hard to get past. I had to dig deep to find forgiveness if I ever wanted my M. The only thing for me that helped was time. Within the last two months we have been seeing each other regularly, and have been getting along better than we have in ages. I started doing things different. Instead of bringing up R talks that always end in frustration and anger, I just enjoy our time together. We have a good time, and are comfortable with one another.So much of the tension is gone. He is not worrying about what I will say or do. He is reluctant to say ILY also, but does if I tell him first. I don't say it often, but I think it's nice to hear. We also used to say it all the time to each other. I miss that easiness. He spent the night last night and for the first time this morning I said something to him about coming home. I asked him if he thought he was going to want to come home someday. He said "I think about that sometimes." I asked if he thought he might. He said "maybe." He said it in a positive tone though. I told him I wanted him to be my husband full time again. He did not say anything else so I dropped it. The waiting is hard. You wonder if things will ever be "normal" again. I think we are on the right track, but I can't get so caught up in him and us that I lose me again. It's a fine line. I'm curious as to how you handled taking care of you through all this. It's hard after we're together when he leaves. I have an emptiness feeling that I'm not sure what to do with, and anxiety about when we will be together again. I am the one that plans our get togethers. He always says yes when I ask him to do something, but I'm not sure if he'd call me if I left him alone. He's not as motivated to be together as I am. I don't know how he gets that back. I think he's really trying to find his way back to me and I wonder if there are things I should be doing to help? We're so much closer now, but still nowhere near where I want to be. We always were so in love. I know he still loves me and I'm not sure if this is the end of MLC for him or what. I know he's been going through it for almost 4 yrs now-I think the A was a direct result of it. I have taken responsibitly for my part in all of it, and changed the way I treat him. We've been married 33 yrs. in November. I was 17 and he was 18 when we married. We grew up together. There is a very strong bond here. He has never said he wants a D. At one point when I was so mad at him I told him I was done-for him to go file. He never did, and after a couple of months with practically no contact, we started seeing each other and here we are. My question is: Do I keep on doing what I'm doing,or is there something I can do to "jumpstart" him to get him to be more assertive in our R. He's very affectionate, and we are intimate often which helps I think. We've never lost that. People say I'm letting him have his cake and eat it to, but I think its much better this way than staying away from him and letting the distance build between us. Can you give me any advice from what you've been through as to something I might do that I'm not doing? I'm so very happy for you, and we need to hear these success stories so we know that there is hope! Thank-you so much for sharing, you are an inspiration to us all! Rachael
