It's all ablazin'....

[blindsided1]

You know....it hurts when he says things like that. But, I know and he knows that he says them to do just that...hurt me. So, I am trying really hard to be strong and not let him know they hurt me. Maybe that way, he'll stop if he's not getting the reaction he wants. But, I did show him that it hurt because I tried to make him feel bad too, by reminding him of all the crappy stuff he's done to me. And, how I am still trying to care about him as K's father. I told him that I couldn't understand why he continued to be so cruel to me even after everything he has put me through and I have continued to be kind and respectful to him. It just falls on deaf ears. I told him that I forgive him for the things he has done. But, that I can't forgive the way he keeps continuing to hurt me and that is why he is minimally in my life as much as possible. His Mom thinks I should kill him with kindness, but that doesn't work on him. The only way to keep him from hurting me is to cut him out of my life. My friend told me that everytime I text him ...even if it's about daycare or K...he probably thinks it's for him...that I am reaching out to him. So, I don't unless I absolutely have to. I pray to God that he grows up and learns how to be a nicer person to me. I don't want my daughter growing up watching her father treat her mother the way he does. I don't want that to be the type of man she seeks out. I would be devastated to see her end up with someone abusive.

I'm hanging in there. I find myself detaching more and more each day.