Healing from a lifetime of self-deprecation

[still hopeful]

SH...you need to extricate yourself. You need to stop being a doormat. You need to say goodbye and get on with your life. She owe's you nothing outside of co-parenting with you.

I agree. Working to do so as I type this. It's difficult that after 3+ misguided and fruitless years of doing this MY way I'm right back where I started, but a 'little' wiser, and a lot further in letting go. I'm clear that what frank_D told me ages ago is true.

I have to divorce myself emotionally from my 'old' XW. That R is dead.

I'm healing and moving on. I'm, for the first time, letting go in a real sense. I am moving in the direction of finding my own emotional stability away from XW. And I know you are right, she DOESN'T owe me anything. Just because I feel I owe truth to her, those are my feelings about me, which have no bearing on her feelings and behavior about herself.

Life moves on and I am now focusing on myself and my children. I know that I'll sort out my life and improve everything for me and mine.

Part of that, is to move to my brother's house for 2-3 weeks (to start) to get my head cleared and back on straight and crystallize my path toward healing and redemption. Lastly, I will initiate the steps toward making my vision my reality. On my way. It all feels brand new, but it is. I'm doing it now though.