180's for me have been effective. The first thing I did was write down my "More of the Same Behaviors" and figured out the opposite of what that was and started doing that.
For example: I would call H in the mornings on my way to work. Stopped doing that all together. Now when I call him or text him it's house/bill related or S related.
During the marriage I was a martyr. He would ask "Hey is it cool if I go watch football with the guys this Sunday afternoon?" I would say yes, with a smile because I didn't want to be the wife with a leash. Then I would be at home on Sunday, with S and start to fume that H didn't want to do something with us. I would start texting "when will you be home?" Then I'd call with stupid questions, etc. Basically I would get mad and do what I could to ruin his time with his friends that he asked me if he could do and I said yes. Crazy. I know and I did it.
Now, we don't ask or tell each other what the other is doing on our nights off from S. HUGE 180 for me to not ask. He asks sometimes, which makes me smile and sometimes I answer, (normally when I have something really fun going on) and then other times I don't (because I plan to stay home and read).
I have to be better about saying "No thanks, I'll take a rain check" more often. That is the new 180 I'm working on.
I've seen progress, I've had backslides, but ultimately, progress.
In terms of the finances, do NOT turn them over to him. Not everything from the previous relationship has to be turned into a 180. For example, I clean the house better than he does. He admits it, so I'm still doing that, just not nearly as much since I don't live there now. I am better at planning things for S in terms of things like swim classes, gymnastics, etc. But H is just as involved, after I set it up. That benefits S so I keep doing it. I was in charge of finances, still am and have no intention to give that up.
There had to be some things in your marriages that were working....if so, leave them as is. It's the stuff that wasn't working you should change and do a 180.
