Am I doing the right thing?

[D Money]

OK I swear this song was written for the LBS. Love of My Life by Queen. Of course Queen has to be my wife's favorite.

Love of My Life by Queen

Love of my life - you've hurt me
You've broken my heart and now leave me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me, because you don't know
What it means to me

Love of my life don't leave me
You've taken my love, you now desert me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me, because you don't know
What it means to me

You won't remember
When this is blown over
And everything's all by the way
When I get older
I will be there at your side to remind you
how I still love you

Back - hurry back
Please bring it back home to me
Because you don't know what it means to me
Love of my life
Love of my life

[kjensen]

Queen is cool! Good Song.
Thinking about your wife following you room-to room...I do think, at least from what I know of my H, there is a childlike 'lost' quality to him that wasn't there before. In many ways H's emotionality, his over-the-top anger without restraint is very childlike-there are no dampers to his emotions like we develop as adults. It seems to depend on the setting...

My D11 had a huge emotional meltdown tonight. She knows my H 'likes' another woman(overheard a phone conversation)-she is mad I won't give her details. She is mad that she may have to live with her father some of the time. She is adamant that she won't talk to me, H, a counselor or anyone about how she feels-so it keeps percolating. Anyway, her anger reminds me of H's...over-the-top, not always rational, unrestrained. Its tiring! I worry about depression with her, but we'll see how things go. She does understand she explodes at me b/c she feels I can take it and won't leave-which I reinforce...
Holidays seem tricky..My H is coming over early Sunday to help me hide Easter eggs before the girls wake up. He said he'd stay for lunch if I wanted. Feels sad and weird-its these times I get upset that my family has disintegrated.

I hope you have a nice Easter weekend. It helps to focus on the kids.

[D Money]

Well Easter was interesting. Wife didn't say hardly 2 words to me. THat's OK I had fun. She seemed to have an 8-10 year old child persona come out yesterday. Everyone in her family noticed. After she left, her sisters were like what's up with W? We've never seen her act like that before.

All in all, the kids had fun yesterday which is the most important thing.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Be careful D, blood is thicker than water...it just takes time to seperate them out.

[D Money]

Aaahh Having a down day. Wife and I have not really talked for the past week. Had child/school related issues the past 2 days that she left me angry voicemail messages blaming for not communicating when she was witholding info from me. Projection anyone? We talked them out and she softened a little.

Lately I'm stuck on:
Does she think about me?
Does she miss me?
How the heck do I stop dwelling on this?

[fisherman]

Lately I'm stuck on:
Does she think about me?
Does she miss me?
How the heck do I stop dwelling on this?

I dunno...probably.
I dunno... If I had to guess, I'd say yep.
In the grand scheme of things, it makes no difference either way.

The last question is the only one that you can do anything about and it takes time. You focus on yourself and your children. You get out and try new things. You get out and do things you used to love to do before you were married.

Take it one day a a time.

[D Money]

Thanks trapt

I've been doing really well and then for some reason these emotions and questions come bubbling up. I forget that this a marathon and not a sprint.

It's been difficult because all of a sudden she treats me like an enemy and doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I guess she's moving deeper into the tunnel.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Its like they get mad because you're not acting the way you should...

D, you are doing great, your seeing the pitfalls before falling into them...and that is preiceless.

I've been doing really well and then for some reason these emotions and questions come bubbling up.

Damn emotions! : ) It happens, and it will happen, its weird its like we get a front row seat to what its like to have emotions rule our lives.... (whistles wondering how long before someone makes the connection...)

Treat yourself right on those days, something special for yourself on those days. A new book, some ice cream, but something.

I forget that this a marathon and not a sprint.

That is F-ing golden man! I wish I had thought of that one. That is great!

[fisherman]

Hey D,

My mother went through a crisis a few years back. Within the past 6 months I have spoke to her about it from time to time.
I was the focus of a lot of her anger. She spewed at me on many occasions.

I spoke to her recently about how she felt and what was going on. Everyone is different, but she did say she thought about me and the kids everyday. The guilt she had was unbearable. She couldn't sleep at night and she wanted so bad to see us and say how sorry she was, but she was so affraid of how we would act or what we would say. In here mind she thought we would never forgive her.(this was when she was further along in all of this)

It took a huge amount of time to get to where she is today and she still has days where she can't even believe she said and did the things she did. It takes time, for both of you.

Love her from a distance and don't give her any reason to view you negatively. Look at her anger as a sign that she is moving along in this crisis. (It sucks but it's progress.)

Hang in there my friend, stop looking for the finish line and focus on the steps you will be taking today to move you further along in your journey. Today is all we really have anyway.

You can do this.

[kjensen]

D,
I still struggle with all of my unanswered (and unasked) questions. The emotions of hurt,betrayal, anger, sadness, remorse are always playing in my heart. But I strive for compassion and empathy in order to deal-not always successfully.

I think its hardest for me to have compassion when my H's blame and anger are directed at me. My H's "normal" kindness and rationality suck me in to thinking this is a normal troubled marriage situation, then the MLC husband returns and I realize I can't expect rationality. For every 'up' there is a corresponding 'down', at least for now.

You seem to be doing well. Pat yourself on the back and remember this is an experience from which we grow, and no one I know has ever grown by already being perfect and not having missteps along the way!