I think i have been more the passionate one or at least started out that way.. and he was the even keeled one.. he always made me feel that things would be ok.. no matter how stressed out I got.. Then i dont know what happened to me.. but now i feel like the passionate part is back.. not just sex.. One of the reasons i dont want back on the meds is because i feel like I am actually having feelings again after all these years..
YEs they are gut wrenching sad feelings.. but feelings none the less..I would rather be sad and know i was alive than "ok" and be emotionally dead..
He just called me and asked me what people were saying on here..lol..i told him he could come on but he felt it would intrude on my ability to talk openly..which i agree it would..
We both agree that we are at the bottom.. we dont even know in which direction to take the first step..
I told him that its either we try or we quit.. and Im not ready to quit.. so that leaves trying..that is the best I can do.
Dancing Queen;
the urge to get back on the website, is still there.. not as strong..but there.. I feel myself grasping for anything to make myself feel better and i cant do that anymore so I am at a bit of a loss. So i go to the gym for 2 hours a day and wear myself out, ( which I desperately need to do) and then come home and spend my after noon crying and posting on here..
I do feel better now that we have both admitted we are not happy.. it almost feels like a weight has lifted..It was much harder to think that he was perfectly happy and I was the one unsatisfied.. I know that is warped thinking. but it makes me feel better to know that I was not the only one unsatisfied w/ our marraige..like it wasnt all in my head or something...
i know all we can do is try and I keep telling myself that and him.. but how will i know if it is working? It will be so uncomfortable and hard.. how will i know?
