HJR...First of all, you are still in the withdrawal period from your on-line activities. So you need to wait until that process is done within you before you can decide how you really feel. No doubt, at this time, you are still longing to connect with some of the people you met on-line and you think about it constantly.
THIS will fade away! Trust me! You have to give it time, though. You need to realize it was just fantasy...therefore, you can tap back into that fantasy (in a healthy way) later when you have finished going through withdrawal. In other words, nothing on the chat site you went to and no person on that site holds the KEY to your sexuality. YOU DO, YOU HOLD THE KEY. You unlocked YOURSELF during that fantasy play. It was not unlocked by a particular person nor any particular play you were doing.
So many people will confuse their new found sexual feelings with the feelings of "love", and then they will follow or chase that feeling right out the door....only to find out later that they have actually experienced a false sense of intimacy and it wasn't real.
Then there is a let down, heartbreak, and the confusion of "what just happened"?
IMO, you are really lucky that you have stopped that activity and haven't gone back. Because now, you have the chance of not only examining your marriage and your feelings, but also you can *eventually* bring that fantasy sex life back for yourself, and hopefully you can do that with your husband.
Please give yourself a full 30 days (at the minimum) to allow for the withdrawal period to subside. After that you will be much less confused, because you will no longer be thinking about the on-line life and wanting to go back to it. Eventually you will not feel the pull to go back there anymore.
And during that 30 days, please do not make any rash decisions about your marriage. You are only 1 step on a very very long journey of steps. But hey, at least you've started the journey with that 1 step! Gotta start somewhere!!
Read books, be good to yourself, don't go back on meds, stay off the chat thing.....for one whole month. And then you will begin to think more clearly....
