It would help to know more of your sitch - especially a long sitch such as yours, knowing the history would help.
That said, remember the "rules" of DB are guidelines, and there is some flexability, and different sitchs require different actions. One of the rules is do something different. If you have not been perusing, and you seem "stuck", it might be time for some minor pursuit - be careful, try it and monitor. Just ask for one really date like thing - dinner and a movie, mini-golf, anything that you and W may have done before you got married. Just ask, and monitor. If she says no, and the no is just no, busy, what have you but not ugly, then wait a week and try again. If she says yes, be ready for her to change her mind at last moment, or have a reason not to show, and DONT GET MAD AT HER IF IT DOES - at least dont let her know if you get mad. Step back and try again another time. You could also look at this as a 180 - if you have not been asking her on dates, it is a change for you and could have positive results.
Her comments seem to be hints that she wants you to pursue a bit - you telling her about almost asking was somewhat a db no-no, but in this case it worked out well - she opened up to you and pretty much made it clear she was open to the suggestion.
As for the distance when others are around - typical WAW actions, and from what I can gather here your W fits WAW description. If others see positives, she has to admit them, to herself. But keep this in mind - people who want you out of their lives do NOT invite you to their families holiday gatherings!
Remember that at some point she convinced herself she was better off without you - enough to get the D papers started.. but since then something has stopped her - it was not you, at least not directly, but it was her, perhaps in response to changes you have made.
Tell us about what you have changed - how you have become better. Tell us what W has let you know about what was wrong, why she wanted the D (without the WAW phrases like ILYBNILWY).
There are definitely positives in your story - sounds like it needs a little push.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Remember
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