Thanks FIB, I agree with every word you typed here. The "regulars" on my threads know that I have banned the word babystep as well as the word patience from my threads for quite some time now. Babysteps usually mean nothing. Consistency and change of attitude- no matter how subtle that maybe- is what we should look for.
I am resisting at the moment. That's what fb2 and Ali and probably Forrest see. I am resisting to fall back in a relationship where I will call myself married and to be able to be a wife, to have to pay a high price, I will have to give up me and my needs. We've tried that, it didnt work out the first time.
I am reluctant to base my decisions, for example to let him move back in- on "babysteps". I believe he would have to give me a lot more to make me willing to take the risk to do that. There is no "let's do this and we will see how it will turn out". Both MCs said the same thing. My C (H's C also) told me he is pushing me to old behaviors because that's what he is comrfotable with and since now, after being away for so long, he "recharged" his batteries, he feels he can take it but ...I cant.
Today we had a short discussion on the phone. He sounded down since yesterday, I had asked what's going on and he kept saying nothing. Today I called and he never returned my call. I called again 3 hours later and somehow I got the idea he lied to me about his whereabouts.So, I told him exactly what I was thinking. He said I was wrong and that he udnerstands I dont trust him. He said he has been sad since he left because he did feel like a visitor in our home, "just like you told me and I am very sad about that, about how our family has gotten here". I didnt say much. K
