Thanks all, Mike it is good to hear from you! And I hear what you are saying.
I guess I didn't explain it well, it is hard to explain. It really isn't so much 'fake it till you make it'.
A better example might be when you have had an injury, like when I tore everything in my ankle last winter.
Suddenly, you can't do everything you wanted to do, the way you always used to do it. The stubborn me fought that with my ankle for a long time. They said don't go up and down stairs; I went up and down with full laundry baskets, etc. I wanted to be able to run again but I couldn't even walk without a boot and crutches..
So there came a day I had to admit 'defeat'. It wasn't working, I couldn't force by ankle/foot to do what I wanted. So I had to re-learn within my new limitations until I could get back up to speed.
So cleaning out my bedroom, making plans, living my life without taking Dan into consideration on everything, those are things I NEED to do if I am going to move forward with my life. So I am doing them. And parts of it, like reorganizing the house, are actually fun. I am not really faking anything, I am just trying to move forward in the only way I can right now, which is without Dan.
And Ali I appreciate the suggestion but I am not anywhere close to wanting to date. I get my 'fun' in other ways. Like working the track meet allowed me to joke/flirt with the guys I was working with, but it wasn't a formal get-together. I will continue to do that kind of thing, but I am not comfortable with dating until I am no longer married, and even then I don't know what the future holds for me. But I know if I tried to go on a date just to wake Dan up that would be pointless for me and he would know it was fake....
Plus I wear my ring still, and will until I am ready to take it off, which I am not. And we haven't "come out" with our separation to anyone but immediate family--our parents and siblings. So no one would even think to 'set me up' at this point b/c they all think I am happily married... Once Dan moves into his house it will be a different story, I am sure.
Once Dan moves into his house it will be a different story, I am sure.
