why not tell him exactly what you need. Say, H I need you to hug me when you come in and hug me when you leave. As that becomes a regular occurrence move on to the next thing. He apparently needs to take babysteps because he isn't capable of the big ones.
And how do you force that? What does pushing OUR needs on the WAW do? That sounds like pressure to me.....the ultimate 'push them away tactic'.
I caution everyone about the 'babysteps' word. Babysteps aren't a candle lit for you.
Babysteps aren't phonecalls to tell you what groceries to pickup.
Babysteps aren't a cup of coffee made for you or a door held open.
These...are moments of lucency in the world that they exist in.
Babysteps....are asking you to go for a walk and then holding your hand.
Babysteps are words told to you that they are in pain..they want to stay with you but need time to work this out WITH YOU.
Babysteps......
Be careful....lest you fall into a world of denial and fear (common on this board) that can keep you trapped and paralyzed forever. Life is too short to spend it miserable, yet, so many people seem to be hell-bent on spending it miserably.
Don't get me wrong. Everyone should fight for their marriage and do their utmost to preserve it. I think a man or a woman should hold onto their vows as slong as he or she has evidence of the foundation of a marriage. Period. He or she should know that it takes love and all the things born of love--friendship, loyalty, trust, respect, etc.--and attraction--fun, adventure, sex, etc--to make a marriage.
Play a game of marital Twister....keep two feet on hope and two feet on reality. Balance the two, or, your date of registration here will look older and older as time goes on.
Stay strong Kalni.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
