I am glad you responed so quickly. My first problem is what to do about what happened 10 minutes ago? What do you think? Should I text her?
My strategy is GAL'ing, going dim and trying to be as cheerful as possible when I see her, but as soon as I see her I backslide. The thought of her being in a PA now is really eating me away, so my strategy is the above but it has only been a week since we seperated, but my problem is I am so impatient, but she wants to re-build her life as she said to me this morning. I so want to reconcile, am I in denial, should I try and move on, though that is definately not an option at the moment or in the future.
My current situation has not gotten worse (until today), if I am being honest our conversations last week have been better, so I would say the situation is slightly better. I do not know though if her demenour has changed because of what I think she is up to and nothing to do with me.
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/20/0910:28 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
One of my positive objectives would be to spend as much time with the children as possible, as my wife said "I spend all my time with them". With me taking the children more then allows her to go and spend more time with OP, which I will think about even when I am with the children. I know it sounds selfish but I don't want it to sound like that. I just hate the thought of her with someone else having a great time.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
No, don't text her yet. Have a think on it. My DB coach said to me 'wait till you think you will be heard'. Do you think she will 'hear' you if you tell her that? IMO at the moment it won't make things better.
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but as soon as I see her I backslide
Why is that? Is it your feelings, is it what she says to you... identify the trigger?
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she wants to re-build her life as she said to me this morning
Michelle says don't believe any of what they tell you and 50% of their actions. These things are said in anger and in defense. Do not take them personally.
Have more confidence in yourself. You are really good at answering your own questions. For example
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I so want to reconcile, am I in denial, should I try and move on, though that is definitely not an option at the moment or in the future.
So you know what you want to do and I'm afraid patience is the key. That is something you will have to learn.
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My current situation has not gotten worse (until today), if I am being honest our conversations last week have been better
Has anything in the last week changed? Have you done anything differently? Keep doing what is working. Who knows what she is up to; the only person you can control is you.
Enjoy your children. Whether you have them or not is not going to stop her seeing op if that is what is happening. Take the chance to enjoy your children and let go of things you cannot control.
Also, just to add. People on here are not legal or financial experts. If you need advice like that seek professional help, you need to protect yourself.
Thank you, I have been waiting for your response eagerly. I backslide because of my feelings. I did not know how much I loved her until this whole thing blew up, I understand where I went wrong (as we all seem to do), but I have not been given the opportunity to fix it because she never wanted to go to counselling. She has bought so many new clothes and sexy underwear and it is so difficult thinking it is for someone else. She has lost 2 stones in weight and looks great, this is why I lose focuse when I am talking to her and become a gibbering wreck. I only have 8 to 10 weeks before the decree absolute comes through, though I will still continue to reconcile.
The only change is that I moved out of the house which seems to have improved things (until this morning), in that she now has space. As hard as it is I will take any opportunity to have the children, she is pushing me to have them more overnight, I know why but as you have said I just have to try and forget that and enjoy the children.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I saw this piece on "staying Solution Focused" by KentS
Reconcilliation is improbable when the couple is separated. Sometimes separation helps calm a bad situation. Sometimes it can't be avoided due to a disrespectful spouse. However, you still need to come back togather in order for reconcilliation to really begin. The sooner the better.
Would you say this is a fair statement as I am seperated with the decree absolute coming in 10 weeks, but want to continue in trying to reconcile?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thank you, I have been waiting for your response eagerly. I backslide because of my feelings. I did not know how much I loved her until this whole thing blew up, I understand where I went wrong (as we all seem to do), but I have not been given the opportunity to fix it because she never wanted to go to counselling. She has bought so many new clothes and sexy underwear and it is so difficult thinking it is for someone else. She has lost 2 stones in weight and looks great, this is why I lose focuse when I am talking to her and become a gibbering wreck. I only have 8 to 10 weeks before the decree absolute comes through, though I will still continue to reconcile.
The only change is that I moved out of the house which seems to have improved things (until this morning), in that she now has space. As hard as it is I will take any opportunity to have the children, she is pushing me to have them more overnight, I know why but as you have said I just have to try and forget that and enjoy the children.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
My wife has just tried call me on a landline and mobile because I did not respond to some angry emails she has sent to me this afternoon, and the fact I did not agree to having the children when I was going out and she wanted me to have them overnight so she could stay out all night. She then followed up the angry emails with one asking me if the little ramp her father made was easier for me to get the lawnmower in!!!! The hell is going on?
I ignored all efforts by her to contact me, she then left a voicemail saying she cannot understand me as I have not answered her attempts to contact me. This is all because I do not want to feel pushed around anymore, she does not respect me as she is clearly in an A now, new clothes, underwear, is now drinking and mixing "with adults at barbeques"! I have continually concerned myself with not trying to upset her, as soon as I don't go running to her as soon as she texts or phones, she tries to call me, typical WAW behaviour I feel. I also found our names tags we had for our wedding was in the bin, and a pin cushion with our names and wedding day date, etc has been shoved into a drawer. I felt awful, what does this tell me - is she purging me out of her life, what should I read into it, and should I say something?
As blunt as I sound I want to make sure I do not come across as evasive, difficult and non-responsive. This is partly what got me to this situation in the first place. I am angry she is deceiving me and treating me like crap, but I just felt a tiny bit better this afternoon. I want to reconcile but I know I will have to 'man up' to do it because of the way she feels about me. It is a thin dividing line.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
