ST - Read the first post of this thread. I KNOW you're supposed to believe nothing they, say and only half of what you see, but it sure shatters the confidence in the idea of seduction!?!?!?! I'm down 10 lbs since I told you I needed to look a little better first, and 10 more to go. Funny, how you can carry that much more on a 5/7 frame and be O K..... I've been walking, walk/running with the dog in 3lb ankle weights, and wearing those ankle weights all over town. I think I'm permanently a little sore. Have to take breaks from them... Also, staying away from anything WHITE! Do you know NOTHING is worth eating that isn't WHITE!??? POTATOES, PASTA, RICE, FRENCH BREAD, MAYO, MEXICAN CHEESES, etc... Sheesh! And, NO you CAN tell a difference in the BROWN pasta!
OK, gotta go. Minimum of 6 soccer games starting in am (between 2 boys), and the potential for 9. Lucikly, PROMZILLA (D17) has chilled out and is pleasant to be around again!
Thanks for checking in!!
PS - I did buy new "undergarments" this week!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Friday night H and I went to a fundraiser for the kids' school (s). I put extra effort into my appearance (had lost some weight, was newly highlighted - BLONDER, had a great new haircut, SUPERB new dress, great new shoes, etc...). Well, I get ready, and the only thing H says is, "Wow, you can certainly spot you in that dress." (The dress was a bold print.)
First I will say, that many men are not good at giving the compliments we are looking for. My h is def one of them. That comment doesn't necessarily mean what you think. It could be a great compliment. Or it wasn't because he hates the dress-it's not his style We go to the event and one of my best friends, says... "Gee, H, doesn't your wife's dress look great on her?" (Now, she knows the sitch, a little bit... but was not fishing for a compliment for me... not at all.) H says, "That's a dress? I thought it was a blouse and skirt." That's all. Nothing else. Etc... I talk for a minute, completely not paying attention because I'm hurt, and excuse myself and go to the women's room in tears. again, this is not a bad comment, but you were looking for him to make a good comment. you have to keep expectations at zero. I know this is hard, and this is hard for me. but, this right here is the reason for the whole night. Your H most likely see's your emotion, and immediately he's annoyed. This also happened to me. When this happens it's a huge burden on him, and he doesn't know what the heck he did wrong. He doesn't understand the need for us to be validated as hot women. Even supermodels need to be validated. well, most probably. lol I come out, make some sorry excuse for where I went (only gone 2 min), and we carry on... After dinner, while at the table, one of the student's who is working the event, comes and asks me about some pricing on the wine auction (I handled that.) I get up and go help him with the pricing, and it takes a little while. I then go to the restroom, and head back through the main area where the auction is, to get to our table. H is TICKED that I took so long, and makes a few sarcastic comments. (Odd, because he has just as many friends there, is sitting with my best friends H, etc...) this comment makes me wonder if one of his top 5 LLs is quality time. or he just felt uncomfortable, or was only there for you. I apologize to him, and tell him what I needed to take care of. In the meantime, he really wasn't going to let it go. I tear up again, and excuse myself. I head out the front door, to my car, and txt him, requesting him to come out and talk to me for a minute so I can explain (briefly) why I had to escape for a minute.
He comes out, won't get in the car, stands outside my window and says there is nothing to talk about. He gets in his car (drove separate since I had to go early), and leaves. I follow him for a few minutes but decide to go home.
I go against everything I've learned in the past four months, and txt and call him until he replies. He, for the most part, is blaming me for being too emotional, and can't believe this started because he didn't know a dress from a skirt/blouse. BULLS*IT. He knows what the problem was, and wouldn't admit he just wouldn't pay me a compliment. He tells me that things have been more tolerable over the past four months, but nothing has changed. He doesn't want to be married to me, is not in love with me, etc... He says he will just kill himself, as he doesn't want the boys growing up going between our homes, having issues with holidays, etc... He starts by telling me he's already purchased a gun, then back-pedals and says, well, he's paid for it, and is picking it up, then back-pedals again and says, he is going to get it in a few weeks to months, etc... He has been working to put our financial stuff in order so I won't have any problems. I call him a coward and as*hole. Tell him he doesn't have the balls to try and make this work, would rather sit around miserable and stupid. I have seen his interest in the past four months, have felt his desire to be with us, and have seen his satisfaction being home and in our lives. He's a lying coward, and won't put the work in to make "US" work... would rather be a miserable f*ck. I ask him to please admit if he's found someone else, as it would be much easier to deal with than his cold, highly erected WALL he's put up, etc.. He claims there is no one; if there was, he wouldn't rather be dead.
Do not take this personally. He is depressed because of himself. You are not the one to make him happy, that is his job. If he or you is looking for the other to make you happy, then you will always be disappointed. Nice, huh?
Today, I sent him a txt that said:
I'm really sorry for Friday night. It was the result of four months of suppressed emotions, and trying hard not to pressure you. I hope you understand a little. I won't bring it up again. I'll just keep trying to improve upon myself, and hopefully you'll want to be with me again.
No reply. But I don't expect one. And, I won't bring it up again.
How's that for awful?
the text wasn't so awful (now the txting and calling till he replied was aweful. lol don't do that again. but this last text was all good until "hopefully you'll want to be with me again." That is the reason he did not respond. Next time just tell him that this has been very difficult and just as he needs you to understand him, and to give him space, you need him to understand you and to give you compassion.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
And, NO you CAN tell a difference in the BROWN pasta!
haha. it depends how you do it. if your using cream sauce, definitely, but speghetti sauce, hardly at all. And, depending on the brand, some are way more whole wheat than others. Start out mixing half and half till you get used to it.
Way to go! on the 10 lbs. maybe I will do that too. I'm just so busy, I've had no time to exercise, but I need to, and I would like to lose 10, that would be perfect. maybe I should race you! lol
hey, and if your first post is the reason you don't want to seduce him. that's not a good enough reason.
now, yes he said all those yucky things, but that's roots to your breakdown. He's thinking nothing has changed. BUT, the reason that maybe you shouldn't yet is because your not ready emotionally. It is possible he may turn you down, and that is totally ok. it doesn't mean he doesn't want you, it just means he doesn't want to send the wrong message because he's still not 100% sure what he wants. and he's probably not even 50% sure. But you doing this will show confidence, and that YOU believe in yourself, and that you believe you are sexy and seductive, and that is a very good thing. but, you just can't let the rejection get to you. you gotta build up that hard back, and start finding your worth thru God's eyes, not your H's eyes.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST... I'm filing away your last sentence about understanding, space and compassion!!! I get it!
THANK YOU!
And, I truly believe the extra weight off will help the confidence level. Truly... And, hopefully, the confidence will give me the emotional strength to step out, for good or bad results...
Last edited by mindblank; 04/20/0901:23 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H got home Friday evening from working for the week... woke up on Saturday, starting to come down w/Strep Throat and/or sinus infection. We had a soccer tournament this weekend, so we threw some Motrin in him, and started him on an antibiotic and went on our way... I could tell he enjoyed himself. In fact, he told me he needed to run some errands between games (bank, UPS, etc..., normal weekend stuff), but backed off and decided to go to lunch with the boys and I, instead. We invited another mom and her boys, and had a good time. Got home from the games, and H's illness is starting to progress. We all relax for the night, and go to bed early, as the boys both have 745am games! UGH! Sunday was miserable weather! H is still sick, but functioning, and decides to take us to breakfast after the games. We all came home and hung out all day, inside. I made chicken and rice soup, and grilled cheese sandwiches (since he was sick), and we all had a lazy afternoon at home. D17 had her prom date stop by to meet us. (Teens are funny!) He's ok. Let him know the rules, questioned him a bit :), and let him know we own a breathalizer! He couldn't find the door quick enough after that! LOL He's cute, and he'll make a fine date.
H has hired someone to handle some of his workload, and will be home on Sunday evenings now, so we will get a full 3-4 day weekend with him, and then still, Wednesday evenings... I see it as a good sign that he's wanting to be home more. He could just as easily stay away, working (very easily falls into workaholic mode).
I think I need some goals.
What the heck should they be?
I GAL well enough. I'm working on myself physically.
Ideas appreciated!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Your H being home more and wanting to be home more is definitely a good thing! Like you said, he could easily blame it on work and stay away MUCH more. Sounds like you had a good weekend and you let him know you're there to take care of him when he needs you.
About goals: we now know about what your H does, what your kids do, but what do YOU do? I mean for a hobby or other activity? If H and the kids went out of town for few days and you didn't have to work, what would you do? Start something or pick up an old hobby you haven't spent time on in a while. That's what I would do. Make yourself as happy as you want to be!
I walk with girlfriends. I go to lunch, go to dinner, have drinks, etc... At least 1x per week.
I work full-time (from home most of the time), and H works out of town most of the work week, and we have three kids, so I'm pretty lucky to get the above mentioned GAL activities in! I would like to start playing tennis again, though. I played for many years, and H and I enjoyed it together. Haven't played in awhile... The weather is starting to improve in the MidWest FINALLY... I may see what kind of leagues are available.
THANKS!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Tennis sounds great!! See if you can find a friend interested in playing with you and start that up! Who know, maybe H might get interested in it again if he sees you enjoying that again!
White water rafting is SOO much fun! We tried it a few years back for the first time and went again last summer. We could do it more often on our own, but chose the easy way and let others organize: we tagged along with a group from my work both times.
Well, it appears there might be a chance that we could sell our house. It's not for sale, but someone sought us out, and is willing to pay more than top dollar for it. It's a financial deal of a lifetime (for us) if it happens. ESPECIALLY in this real estate market!!
H seems pretty excited about it. Somewhat interested in another house that is really nice, too (and is another great deal, considering it's a buyer's market). The good news is the house he's somewhat interested in is definitely a family house!
I've come to really not care what we would live in, as long as we're together and happy. Money and a nice home certainly doesn't mean happiness. (My husband would fall over if he read that!)
I booked the rafting trip! H's birthday is Monday. We're celebrating Sunday night. Should be fun. I think he'll think it is awesome. Our family is quite adventurous. Everyone will enjoy it.
I've been working pretty hard the last few days, and had lunch and dinner with two of my friends. The kids have me running around at night. And, the first of three proms is this weekend for D17!
Life is ok. I could complain, but won't!
Oh, and I have to interview a new field engineer for my territory! That's a good thing! It means I've sold enough to support someone else in my territory!
Whoa! Hope he doesn't have a family to support! Talk about pressure!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
