Puppy, You say it right " I'd rather know what I'm dealing with, and act accordingly." If you are in a position when you can act then get all the info and do smth.
I don't even understand what this means.
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Moreover, I think that in most cases best action is to remain positive, cheerful and supportive.
Positive and cheerful, yes. I would disagree with "supportive." Why should a betrayed spouse "support" their cheating spouse's affair? To do so, especially financially (ex.: paying for her cellphone) is to enable the bad behavior.
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And all the specifics that I may get will make me less capable to help her. But this may be just my personality
Here's something we can agree on. If your own personality and temperament is such that you don't think you can handle what the intel will show (and it can be incredibly painful), then no, one shouldn't "snoop." But even then, I tend to be in favor of doing it INITIALLY, just to confirm what's going on, and then drop it once you do.
I just don't see how "flying in the dark" is helpful in these situations.
