And you are correct, the whole "stance" is muddled. I really have no idea what he is doing when he is not here. It is muddled mainly because he has been spending so much time around here and if not, accounting for time away. However, I do know that doesn't mean much, as it really hasn't in the past.
I kind of don't know how to get myself out of this right now. On one hand, I want to continue the positive steps, as he has attempted them before and when we get so far I get way impatient and create some major drama. I would like to see what happens when I don't do that for a change. However, I can see why it plays out that way as I just get tired of this whole situation.
I was thinking last night though that this is his "safe" place. His house is a wreck, and he works from home most of the time and HATES his job right now. I think he likes to leave there and come here. I, however, like getting to know him there.
I don't know if I continue taking his calls and visits or what if this doesn't really progress. I am already getting weary of the calls because there is so much unsaid.
All in all, I am in a place that I don't like.
So, you say, remove yourself from it.
Yes, indeed. I do talk about it, after all, that's what this forum is for. Does it consume my every thought and feeling? No, not really. Of course I want this relationship. It is just really tricky right now. I know I need to drop the worry. That's why I come here- to be reminded of that.
Last night I got home from the gym and he was here. I sat in the living room a bit, doing some work on my laptop. After a while I went up to bed (quite early). When he went to leave he came up to my room to ask me if everything was ok. I assured him that it was. He talked to son a bit and then came back in, hugged me, and said, "tomorrow will be better."
So, here it is, tomorrow.
It will be better. I have dinner plans and a good attitude. OK, semi-good attitude.
I don't want to be hurt anymore either, TP. I am trying really hard to prevent that.
