Hey K.. I know you said that about H before.. but yes.. a person can have long term, adult onset depression.. thats what my ex has. He said he cannot remember a time (since 14/15) that he was really happy. BUT.. he is olk, with football, yes, excited, with friends, yes...laughing, joking, with small children.. yes.. but all of that is his mask. Thats what they call it. A mask and men are particularly good at it. Its too simplistic to dismiss all that to mean he is not depressed and is ok. Have you heard of the American comedian (now in UK) called Ruby Wax? She was a famous comedian/interviewer, did some big interviews (OJ, Emelda Marcos etc)... v famous, always laughing, succesful, had it all.. I remember reading an interview with her as she reminded me of my ex (tears of a clown, that what you see, even those close to you is not the full picture) that despite all of that, all her adult life, she was deeply depressed, dying inside and wanted to kill herself, but noone knew.
I dont know why you keep dismissing it.. he is clearly NOT happy or fulfilled, in fact, the way you describe him, he sounds downright miserable. And of course its not yuor fault, why would he choose to come back to you? Why would he bury himself in work 16 hours a day? Why would he blub like a baby in front of the IC? These are HIS issues, its not you. If you have no sympathy left with him though, after what he has put you and the kids through, thats a different matter and fair enough !!
I also dont understand why you wouldnt ask your own H which are his favourite songs on his MP3 player.. you dont know its cos of her they are there, you are making assumptions? And if he spent Easter with you, he cant still be seeing her? You need to start talking to him again, get to know him again, as a man, not a person that once really hurt you, thats what Jody told me. And you need to let it go. The A.
C'mon K... whats the point of doing this if you continue to build that wall higher?? No 2x4's here, just trying to pull something out of you... dont know what, lol ! The universe gave you a chance.... use it or lose it !?
