Thank you so much for this.......I have to say its really valuable to get a mans perspective on this......sometimes I feel that i am losing that because so much of my advice is from female friends. I would love to hear more of what men think is actually going on here. I have just woken up and am feeling remarkably calm for some reason; the first time since all of this happened. I went to a church service last night with a friend and while I was out my H rang to speak to our D, spoke to MIL on the phone. No mention of me in any way. I wonder how it is that he can find himself in a place where he can not ask? considering my health issues. Is it denial? Guilt? Confusion? A very stringent attempt at detachment? Or is it simply a case of this person demonstrating indifference?Can someone be indifferent after 10 yeas of having that person in their life? Our conversation Sunday eve was hard in many ways. we` spoke about access this wek to D but it veered onto our relationship, the last 5 years of our marriage (Which he accuses me of having ruined by my selfish behaviour re study abroad and complete lack of parenting and care for the family until due to workaholism.....why is it that when a woman is only trying to further herself for the sake of her family and their future that it is deemed as selfish?), parenting of D (I have made it quite clear how I intend to proceed with the monumental changes that I have made in my life; not just by saying but by doing, of which he is highly skeptical but admits that there is change but that he is simply delighted for me and our D's sake only, that in his words I am finally becoming a proper parent."I am an excellent father and you have the makings of being a good mother") and the protection order (you have shamed me and put me in the same category as a criminal, this has only been done to injure me, the sole reason for you doing this is to injure me).
Not DB material in terms of talking. I really need this to stop. It is strange, we go from absolutely no talking on any level to these very long conversations. Then silence.
I want to Detach and GAL and I need to be more stringent with myself.
I am also very concerned as H is intending to move back in the house once my Mum has left; he has every right legally but morally? He has been living with his lover since the end of January but now intends to move back to the family home half of the week. Is this good for our d? It is catastrophic for me....My heart and mind and well being would find it very hard to think that when he leaves he he will be going to OW house. How do I leave this go. I want to open the cage door and let him fly......surely this is the only way for him to ever return of his own free will?
Would really value a response here? Thank you so much
