we DB'ers focus so much energy on our ex's and trying to save or renew our marriages, that we don't stop and take stock of where we are in our lives, to really examine the new person we are now, to see if reconciling with our ex is really what is best and healthiest for us at this point in time.
Take care of YOU.
Maybe I should explain my reasoning for this---I have a friend with a WAH, 45ish, 3 kids, much younger OW, the whole 9 yards. They went through a very difficult and acrimonious divorce. She was a stander throughout their divorce and for over two years afterwards. Finally got to the point where she realized life was passing her by while she was sitting around waiting on her ex to get a clue, and she decided that enough was enough.
She got on with the getting on. She pursued her own life. Went back to school and finished her degree. Met a great guy in the process and started dating. ExH sat up and took notice. Started coming around and showing interest in her. Soon said he wanted to get back together.
She thought about it really, really, really hard. Realized she wasn't ready for that, and finally said, no thank you. Her ex couldn't believe it. Her kids hated her guts for a while.
But she is adamant in her belief that if they had tried to get back together at that point in time, it wouldn't have worked. Her ex was curious and jealous, but he hadn't yet faced all his demons or finished doing the work on himself.
Two more years went by. Ex had a life-changing, revealing experience that humbled him. She was there to be a friend and talk to him when he needed it. At that point, when exH asked again if they could try again, she knew he had done the work on himself and it would be worth the risk.
They recently remarried after over 5 years apart. :-)
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
