I know, DCBM. You have every right to be angry. Yes, MIL should have repected your M and stopped there. Your wife should not have gone outside of the marriage to find what was missing within herself and her marriage. Yes, if this realization only appeared because you fought back that is really sad. Yes, your heart hardening is understandable.
If she comes back, it WILL be because of you moving on (it is reality to her when she is in a fantasy like life right now). It will be after the damage is done, she will have made MANY, AWFUL mistakes.
Not taking any action outside of court is smart, and realizing that if you don't detach physically from her, and emotionally from the situation, you WILL become a larger danger to the marriage. Again, smart. Not saying you stop loving her or stop having hope, but detaching.
I, too, think after the hearing things will move in some sort of direction. If you can stop your heart from "moving on" your marriage still has a chance. I realize she has shown no positive movement, but if she is still in the affair this is not uncommon. Looking/acting guily is a GOOD sign. And, yes, if she has not gotten her fix, this could be why. She cannot see clearly when with the OM.
I'm speaking from experience, DCBM. I'm not sure if I told you before, but I was the one who had the affairs. I'm not mentally unstable like your wife could possibly be, but I know what an affair does to your thoughts about yourself, your life, and your marriage. If she can ever get to the realization of her mistakes/choices (which is extremely hard to do), and if she gets help, I hope you can find it in your heart to give her a second chance. DOn't harden your heart to that. It would be worth it to both of you and your daughter. Even if that chance has the tiniest percentage of occuring, it would be worth it to keep your heart open to that possibility. It's not over yet. Protect yourself legally, yes; but protect your heart from the point of no return.
