I can tell you that even though I am new here and trying to employ DB techniques, this thing ebbs and flows. I am sick of beating myself up for having feelings about my H running off, spending money, doing whatever he wants while take care of the kids and obsess on how to get him back. It feels so twisted at times. Every time I have lost my cool, I thought it was the "end" and it hasn't been (3 months now). You are human and have feelings. You aren't just some neutral robot strategizing every move. I have tried so hard to do that. The ONLY thing that has worked is focusing as much on myself as I can, therapy, reading, writing, exercising, looking for a job etc. Naturally, my responses have changed with H and I am more secure. Still, sometimes I'm just floored that he can think his behavior is ok. Occasionally, I just have to tell him what I really think. I can't say it has helped much but it didn't hurt too much either. I would just back off and go back to being my best self (and it takes time to discover who that is). After a few days of re-calibrated behavior, things were back on track (in a Twilight Zone kind of way). I am so sorry, I'm in hell too but I am stunned by how little it takes to get into safe communication with H. My problem is where do we go from here? How long do I live in limbo and with no expectations? I just don't know. I sure hope others can chime in too.
