He texted me in the day and said what time he'd come round to my office and also added he wouldn't be able to go out for a meal as he'd forgotten that he was going out with his parents. I just replied saying 'ok, see you at 5'.
So we had *the* conversation about how the proceeds of the house should be split, which is the conversation we have both been dreading for ages - for me worse than a divorce conversation!
It was really calm. I didn't try to take control, I went with the flow and we filled out the solicitor forms together for the sale and shared some jokes doing it (even though it was a huge wrench to be doing this for me inside!). Then it came to talking about the split and he seemed to want me to make the first move. I kind of couldn't really as the unspoken contention was that his parents gave us (him) a large amount of money towards the house so I kind of forced (in a non-forceful way!!) him to state his position first.
He said his parents had been exerting a huge amount of pressure to recover the money they had given him. He looked very upset and stressed when he said it. He went on to say that he realised that it wasn't as black and white as that and he realised his part in the process. I said I could see his parents point and understood that but this was to do with us and really it was for us to make a decision. He said yes, he knew and had told them that repeatedly. We had some more discussion and came to agreement which we both felt was right and fair. The thing I am most happy about is that we were both able to express our differing needs and found a consensus that we both agreed upon in a healthy way. I did a few 180s in there with regards to my feelings which don't need to be expressed right now. And I could see he was under a lot of pressure by other forces so I made sure I was the one that put no pressure on him and we agreed by mutual consensus.
He also offered to help me with the move. This is the 3rd time he has expressed this so I said, 'well I do need help as I need someone to drive a van for me'. We have agreed to split the cost of hiring a van and he will help me move and do his the same weekend.
Baby steps - He also bought me a present from Spain, where he went with his mates for the Easter weekend, and we have potentially agreed to meet for lunch on Wednesday.
I took a slight risk at the end... he said that he may need to take back my free travel pass that I get through his job if he gets another job. I said 'of course, no problem'. He then went onto say it was annoying we'd lose these and I said 'well, you can get another' he said 'why?' and I said 'because J (other woman) works for (his company) too' and he replied 'oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that'. So that was the first time I mentioned ow to him or said her name. It seemed fine though - I think that white elephant is out... now he just needs to dump her lol!
So, over all I'm pleased that is over and think it went as well as it could, maybe better! I hate to see him looking so torn and my instinct was to say 'take the money it doesn't matter, it'll be ok'. But these are his choices and he needs to own them and I finally felt like he was being a man - something I never used to feel and that used to annoy me.
Glad that is over. Hope we will meet on Wednesday but I am fully prepared for it not to happen.
