First Locked Thread in 5 Years!

[tpaschal]

Next part:

Personally, I do NOT think you are at the "final ultimatum" point (where you refuse to have any further non-kid-related contact with him if he's not interested in reconciling.) And since you are not ready to give up on him completely, stop pursuing him and START PURSUING YOUR OWN LIFE.

This does NOT mean giving up on him. I think it DOES mean allowing yourself to see that there are other attractive options for your life besides reconciling with your exH. (And by "attractive options" I don't only mean men. Lol!) I know you do some social things, but do something new! And if you are starting to consider dating, go to a singles mixer in your area. Attend a Singles class or event at your church. Just get out and meet NEW people. You could even do the free trial period on one of the online dating sites! You don't have to actually go out with any of them. Just give yourself permission to look and consider the possibilities! (Good Lord, I sound like a commercial, don't I? Lol!)


And now that we're on the subject of dating, here's the hand slap:
You do NOT go out on a date because your exH needs to see that you won't hang out there forever. !!!

If you go out on a date, it's because you've met someone you like that you want to get to know better!

If you do say yes to a date, it should just be about you and that person. ExH shouldn't factor into the equation at all, because that's not fair to the person you're going on the date with. (Oh, I know it will be impossible to keep from comparing someone new to exH, at least in the beginning, but that's normal. Hopefully, the new person will compare quite favorably!) But teaching exH a lesson, or proving something to him, should not be the motivating factor for you saying yes to a date with someone new.

IMO, you need to be secure (in the knowledge that you have options and you don't have to hang around waiting for exH forever) BEFORE you start dating!!

Okay, okay, maybe that's a little too cut and dried. You don't have to have all the answers from the very beginning. I do think it's okay in the early stages if you go out with someone very casually just to prove to yourself that you can do it and that there are interesting men out there who are interested in you.

But in that case, YOUR wants, YOUR needs, YOUR curiosity, should be the motivating factor for going on the date, NOT because exH needs to see that you won't hang out there forever. !!!!!

Again, it doesn't mean you are giving up on exH. It just means that at this point he is only one of your options.