I posted my story a few weeks ago, but don't know how to add a link to that thread, so here's the gist of my situation - Married almost 11 years, together for 16. My H and I have been separated since Valentine's Day when he moved out to pursue a relationship with someone he met on Facebook who he went to HS with! I saw a text message from her less than two weeks after they met at small reunion saying that she was so in love with him. They had only seen one another twice before he left and were already declaring their love for one another and speaking of spending their lives together! Since leaving, he has been living in a small room in a friends house, is flat broke, stressed out and seemingly pretty depressed. But he still spends every weekend with the OW and that doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon. Says he's been unhappy for a long time, that our sexual chemistry is gone, that he needs to stand on him own two feet.......
I've been DBing for about 2 weeks now, since speaking with a coach. It's a bit difficult because there isn't much contact between us, so I have to make the best of any contact there is. Up until now, there was lots of heavy talk, therapy sessions (not to reconcile, but to communicate) etc. He came over last week to discuss finances with me and my brother. I DBd all the way - looked great, smelled great - was upbeat and positive, talked about new endeavors in my life etc. etc. He didn't seem to want to leave. After my brother left, we had dessert, talked a lot (but not about R), watched TV, he taught me how to use Itunes, and then - he stayed over! Not in our bedroom, but in the guest room. He didn't want to "confuse things". When he got into bed, I got in beside him! Just friendly and cuddly and we talked some more. He seemed a bit tense, but not enough to ask me to leave. After a bit, I went to my own room and went to sleep. Woke up at 6 AM and went back into bed with him. More "friendly cuddling" and then I got up and made him breakfast. He was very teary and said that he hadn't had a healthy breakfast like that in weeks. I said "I don't know what to tell you - you left behind a beautiful life." He didn't say anything. The only mention of the OW was when I spoke about how supportive my friends have been. He said that he wasn't in touch that much with his friends, but that he was "involved with someone" and that made a difference. I think that he was trying to say that she is his support. Anyway, I tried bringing up a few logistical issues, and he asked if we could talk about them another time - said he was "overwhelmed."
Didn't contact him but heard from him a few days later. He left a phone message that started with what a wonderful night he had, that I looked amazing and that he was so proud of me for joining and working in Al-anon (he's been sober for 8 years, although my therapist believes that he is "relapsing", not with alcohol or drugs, but with this affair.) He still seems to contact me right away when things get difficult with his work situation, but never speaks of coming back. Still involved with the OW. I'm afraid that I've gotten my hopes up too much and am now back to being terrified of losing him forever. I know that I have to have patience, but it would help to hear from other people in similar situations who have been successful or who, like me, are in the midst of trying to make it work with a spouse who is involved with someone else. Thanks.
