First Locked Thread in 5 Years!

[tpaschal]

It is not as if I get nothing from his companionship, however, I do give a lot more than I get. I would entertain the thought of a date with someone else if the right person asked. I think this would be a good thing. I do believe he needs to see that I am not going to hang out here forever. It is not a ploy, either. I have a lot to give and I am sure there is someone out there who may appreciate this a little more.

You sure don't sound as if this has much hope. It plays on the part of me that entertains that thought, too. I guess all I can say is that I am not as dumb as the person who you are seeing/reading. I am not naive and I am not living in some fantasy world. I guess all I can say is that I have made so many mistakes that I want to know that I cleared those up, and THEN if it still doesn't work I can walk away knowing I did all that I could.

Thanks,
P.

Pam,

Hey, girl! How are ya? My house (and therefore, my life) is in upheaval right now! I hate remodeling! And why is it that the different contractors and repairmen always tell you their specific project will only take one or two days, and then every single one ends up taking a week or more!!?? I can't wait for it to be finished. I'm at the end of my rope financially, and need this house to sell quickly!

So, got a coupla comments for ya. Please forgive me if I sound like a broken record. And...Umm...I maybe have a little hand slap for ya? Hrmm hrmm. <clearing my throat>

You are NOT a dumb, naive person living in a fantasy world, and no one here thinks so! (Well, I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but I haven't read anyone here who says that.) I don't know you in person, but we've corresponded long enough that I can tell you are a loving, loyal, generous, committed woman who made/makes mistakes but who still loved/loves her husband. I completely understand and totally agree that you should make sure you've done what you can to correct the mistakes you've made, and let your exH know you are changing for the better and you still care about him.

But you've done that, and now you ARE still pursuing. Stop it, stop it, stop it! (Imagine a childish foot stomp for emphasis.) ;-)

It's great that he is the one who calls and texts you most of the time, but sometimes you say things that you KNOW are pursuing, and you do it anyway. Quit it.

You say that sometimes you just need some truth or some answers. Well, right now you're not going to get the answers you want in most cases, so quit it. And even if he says something that could be taken as a positive, it could be because he's feeling pressured to say it, so it turns to a negative.

OT (or Jack?) said that if he wants a real, committed, monogamous relationship with you, he will absolutely, unequivocally let you know it. So unless you're at the point of a "final ultimatum" talk, where you absolutely 100% mean that you are done, and if he came back 3 months from that point you really would say NO to him, then quit it. Quit trying to get answers or understand. Quit asking him questions he probably doesn't know the answer to yet. Bite your tongue HARD if you have to. Pinch yourself. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it!

Oh, believe me, I know how hard it is! And I'm preaching the "do as I say, not as I do" sermon! Cuz you and me? We're control freaks. We need answers, and we need to understand. We also talk too much and overexplain. We think that if we could just find the right way to say something, or the right way to express our feelings, or the right way to apologize, or the right way to do something, we could make the sitch all better. We could make our exes see the light that much quicker. But ya know what? WE CAN'T.




Oops. This is turning into a novel, as usual. <sigh> I'm gonna split it up into a couple of posts.