Fantasies of H1? Noooo, you got me wrong. No such thing. No regrets there, maybe a few regarding my "shortsightness" (sp?). Nothing else. The rest of the "fantasies" as you call it, let's just say, H is lucky there is an ocean...
Progress? You really see progress? Where exactly? 6 months now you call a candle progress? I was happy to get it and appreciated it but I didnt appreciate the fact that 4 days we spent together I felt the way I was feeling a couple of years ago. fb2 and Al, one thing I believe that we have all been reading about here is that UNLESS some serious changes take place, the couple will end up to the same situation again. I fear it would only be a matter of a couple of months before I felt resentement and anger again.
He doesnt feel comfortable enough to hug me? (not talking about sex, any kind of physical contact). Well, where is the man I need to just expose himself, take chances, risk to get rejected, where is the man that wants me? Because, trust me, there hasnt been ONE time all these months that I rejected any kind of positive action from his side, not to him at least.
He has his maps, his GPS,his passwords, his inside info, his confindece (how many women would accept him back do you think the way I did?). WTH does he want still to actually start approaching me. I dont want a partner to raise my kids to be happy. I told him I want a lover and a friend that just happens to have kids with me as well... I want to feel togetherness. He is slipping too much back to the old sitch again. These last few days were very telling. He wants comfortable, easy, not giving much, not asking for much.
Common ground? Funny you mentioned this. I was telling him how Good Friday is important to me, ever since I was a kid, "he hates it because there are too many people at the church", I got dressed up (not much, just didnt wear jeans) to go to the service at night, "he felt lazy and didnt want to go"... I told him today, he is making everything "flat", religion, birthdays, anniversaries, long weekends, every day is the same for him. It had become for me too but you know what? This is what life is all about. And all these days are excuses to celebrate, to enjoy. We dont have many chances, why ruin those as well?
Forgive him? How? Forgive him the past, sure. How do I forgive the present? How do I ignore the "now" without going back to the same old chit again? He is refuelling my anger by acting the same way, ignoring my needs, ignoring me in general. K
