Hang in there buddy - there are so many positives in your sitch! W recognizes your changes and even tells you this! Most WAW's keep this so close you wonder if they see you at all! Keep building on the small things. Work on making your improvements permanent. I can tell you from hard earned experience how easy it is to fall back into old bad ways, and WAW's know this, that is why it is so hard for them to accept.
When I went through my first sitch here, we often talked about "the alien" that our WAS become. While it often really feels like that, and in many ways their thinking and actions are very unclear, and even contrary to their own personality, alot of it is reaction to long felt pain. Take a few minutes and think it through - if someone had been treating you badly - spouse, parent, friend, whatever - for a very long time, then suddenly started treating you better, how would you view it? Now imagine you had been pushed by the bad behavior to the point you had given up.. NOW how do you see it? Not so alien, huh!
I think you are doing better. Holding back a little on the displays of affection is good - when you smother her with it, she just keeps thinking "why now". But when you take care of daily things, she sees it. Remember to listen to her and talk less. She knows you are reading, dont talk about that anymore. She knows you are trying to change, dont talk about that any more.
Get used to the roller coaster - man I can tell you it aint easy. You will have days you absolutely want to throw in the towel! My prevous sitch went from absolute anguish and almost hate to desperate love, back and forth several times before things got settled. when you start feeling the negative, make yourself take 24 hours before you react. Walk away emotionally from that upset and pain, and return better. This was a lifesaver for me in my previous sitch, and I too have to remember it now. 24 hours is a short time compared to the lifetime we are trying to build.
One more thing - and I have to remember this one too - try not to focus on every little thing, word, or action from W. Dont analyze every single phrase for positive/negative. Just hear it, validate, and continue with your work on you. I see in you and your situation a DB win - you are becoming better for yourself, but you are still a little too focused on W. Keep up the good things, and let W follow along if she is willing. If you keep it up, she may eventually see that you are not only who she fell in love with, but even better!
X Love, confidence, trust, and patience. Most Recent Thread
