My personal feeling is that Dan needs a shock treatment that you are not able to give at this point. Again that is not a knock on you at all. Furthermore, I may be wrong about what Dan needs. I just hope you find some semblance of happiness or peace in your life with or without Dan.
It may not be a "shock treatment" but Dan seeing his clothes boxed up and out of BBJ's bedroom should be a pretty huge wakeup call that "something is different and BBJ seems to be moving on." I know I would.
