No 2x4s from me either. I had a few of those talks with H in the past also. And sometimes I begged for him to say Divorce just to get on with my life. He did say it in September and a few weeks ago again, but we are still here... K
I think the talk was necessary. All of us LBS's have needs and feelings too. To expect to live in limbo forever is very unfair and can be unhealthy. I think you are doing well. Your not bitter, you want to be happy and there ain't nothing wrong with that.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
((((((BobbiJo)))))) I think it was a talk you needed to have. I think Dan is doing his best to avoid facing any reality at all, and would be perfectly content for limbo to go on indefinitely. Unfortuantely, you get stuck with the task of making him get off the fence, one way or the other. The only trick is that you can't control which way he jumps.
You are a smart lady, BobbiJo, I am proud to know you!
My personal feeling is that Dan needs a shock treatment that you are not able to give at this point. Again that is not a knock on you at all. Furthermore, I may be wrong about what Dan needs. I just hope you find some semblance of happiness or peace in your life with or without Dan.
It may not be a "shock treatment" but Dan seeing his clothes boxed up and out of BBJ's bedroom should be a pretty huge wakeup call that "something is different and BBJ seems to be moving on." I know I would.
Searching, do you have a thread? The one I found was locked...
Thanks for all the points of view. Not sure what Dan thinks of my boxing up his stuff but the crusade continues. For me, not for him. Clearing out clutter so I can feel more at peace at home instead of stressed out by the cleaning I need to do...orgainzed home, organized mind or something like that.
Called in sick today, found out I have 13 sick days left for the year and only 23 days of school left. Gotta love being a teacher. OK I feel a little guilty...
So cleaned out the kitchen top to bottom. That is where all the clutter accumulates, junk mail, mail that is important but not bills (such as insurance statements) so I don't have to do anything with it right away, so it sits, things the kids bring home from school, etc etc. Now there is nothing on any countertop/table surface that shouldn't be there. We'll see how long that lasts...
Next I will do the same in my bedroom, I really want a new bedroom set. Mine is the one H and I bought used the year before we got married. So it is probably 15-18 years old...Not ancient but it is particle board stuff, not heirloom furniture, and it has been moved 8 times. His dresser fell apart this move so it was thrown out. Just my headboard and leaning dresser remain. However I am torn between buying new dresser with money I have in savings or keeping it to pay my half of a D....
Get a bedroom set. I want one too. And sofas and a few other things. BUT, I have no savings. They were all H's. (stupid me, never thought of having an account of my own).
If you get to divorce, Dan should pay for it anyway. No? K
I started doing that at one point too Bobbi. It was very nice having all that bathroom space ...extra drawers and the closet... man it was "kinda" a bummer to give it back up. I think my helping my H to get all his stuff out of my space really made him understand.... oh that's what this looks like.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Searching, do you have a thread? The one I found was locked...
I don't post very often to my sitch, but lately when I do, I post here on this forum since W and I are essentially separated even though we are still living under the same roof. I'm in a somewhat self imposed limbo hell right now, but it's getting old and I need to sooner or later move forward. Your resolve and progress in doing that is motivating me. I'm sure you would rather progress towards true reconcilliation, however at some point any progress is better than just standing still.
Hey Bobbi.. I too bought myself a new bed (an oldfashioned metal 'iron' bed that I have always wanted and he hated) and moved another wardrobe in from teh spare room and moved the room around and wow, it really did make a difference, it was amazing, it was 'my' room and I slept better for it.
I think you did a very brave thing too and I agreed with John, reading it, you didnt sound done! You sounded a bit too matter of fact (practical?) so he probably has your number, knowing you well, that you arent done.
I always knew in my sitch getting anotehr man would NOT have worked with my ex.. but with Dan, I wonder how he would feel if word got back to him you had coffee with a man.. or in a group, but with single men there? Not a date, just a daytime thing.. maybe the thought of good ole reliable bobbi being in the company of potential suitors might be the shock he needs??
Or.. its just time.. more time, he's not 'cooked' yet, the buzzer hasnt pinged, he's still in the tunnel, so.. just more patience?????
I've been at this 19 months now and there are signs he is turning.. but could be weeks yet. If anyone had told me it would take 2 years, I would never have believed them !!!
I do believe that Dan still loves you, very much, for what its worth.
However I am torn between buying new dresser with money I have in savings or keeping it to pay my half of a D....