You know your MIL and W. I don't. Putting your story on this forum allows us to tell you what we see and our thoughts on it, but you are the one IN your life so you know what's really going on. Sometimes, though, we get so caught up in what we think we know, that we may miss what's really going on. That's where it's nice to have someone else "outside of your life" help you to see or even just consider the possibility.

Some other possibilities to what's going on:

-Your MIL is realizing that she is losing these grandchildren and is reacting on that realization.

-Your MIL and W attacked you without forethought. They are now thinking. Your MIL may believe what you say about her daughter, even a little bit, but she is trying to stand by her daughter. Getting her daughter help seems like the best thing a mother should do, but perhaps she just doesn't see what you see at this point. She probably will, soon. Some of those things that were said before, may have been said hastily.

- The change in behavior of your wife toward your boys is awful. It is also typical of a spouse having an affair. Their only focus is on the affair, and all of these feelings that they feel they have never had with you. It really is a mind mess. When men have affairs often times it is purely sexual, for a woman it is mainly emotional. If she is "coming around" toward your boys, you COULD see it as a slight "coming out of the fog" moment.

-Perhaps it is NOT an act. You are angry, and the way they have changed their behavior does seem fishy, but some things you have said ARE typical of a spouse coming to some realizations.

-You are hardening your heart and building a wall up so that no matter what happens, reconciling will be near impossible.

-Not believing that her feelings have relevance, may taint your view on what is really going on.

Again, these are ALL just POSSIBILITIES. That's what we are here for. SOmetimes we may see something or think something you don't. Focusing on your daughter's care is the most important thing. I totally agree. Having a mother that is not getting help when she needs it is not good for your daughter or you. I get that.

This is a Divorce Busting website, and so my advice and thoughts are almost always about how to possibly repair the marriage. The possibility is ALWAYS there.