PD, just checking in. You are in my prayers. Looks like you are getting good advice there. In your state, is it a fault state? I know you do not want it to get ugly but you need to have an "ace in the hole" in case.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
No, we haven't told the kids yet. We have an appointment with the mediator this Friday, my wife and I, and we bought a book that was recommended to us about how to help the kids get thru this. We're trying to get into see our diocesan MC for help with how to present it to them as well, but she's booked solid thru the end of the month. We're waiting to hear about a possible cancelation.
Friday she went out for drinks with her new female friend from work, and some other people (I fully suspect this was co-ed, and included a possible new OM2 with whom she has at least initial interest, altho I have no hard proof of that). She told me she was doing this, and where they were going, and me and the boys just got dinner ourselves after our baseball practice. W called once and texted once, and ended up coming home fairly early -- 9:30, I think.
Saturday she went on a cleaning frenzy in the house, and I did some stuff I needed to do around here as well until S12's baseball game at 3. Me and my buddy who I coach with were supposed to meet for a beer after, but he stood me up and sent me a disturbing text message that he ran into some trouble with his D22 when he got home, so I need to check on him. I stayed at the pub a little while and one of the waitresses chatted with me, and then I saw another buddy there from my regular Friday happy hour group, and he bought me a beer and I left after about an hour. I was a little hacked off that when I got home, my wife was just sitting on the couch, staring at her laptop screen, and hadn't made ANY plans for dinner, so I ran out to the grocery store (at that point it was already close to 7), bought steaks and stuff, and came home, cooked everything and had it on the table inside of an hour.
I was supposed to go out Saturday nite and meet another good friend to shoot some pool, but then HE stood me up, so I just had a cigar out on my deck and had some wine and stayed around here. W just surfed around on her computer in the house and fell asleep watching TV.
Yesterday was more baseball, and more housecleaning for the fetching-yet-she's-so-cold Mrs. Puppy. GORGEOUS weather down here, btw!!! I helped with the cleaning and then took the boys to the putting green before taking S12 to his doubleheader about 12:15, and we didn't get home until after 5. He pitched FANTASTIC, and was really excited because this is a real good TRAVEL team, filled with his old friends/teammates and old coaches, and he always wants to do his best against them. He pitched 5 fantastic innings (gave up only two singles and one unearned run), and left the game with his team leading 7-1. Keep in mind, we are just a bunch of "rec" (recreational) kids, and this is a travel team we play against. We play appr. 12-game seasons, and practice once a week, and they play 50-60 game seasons and practice 4-5x/week! As usual, no one else could pitch well today, and we barely hung on to win that first game, 7-5, and then we got blown out in the second one, 13-3. All in all, S12 gave up that one run in 5 innings, and the rest of the team's pitchers gave up SEVENTEEN runs in the other five innings!
He also had a triple, an RBI single (which barely missed going out), and got robbed of a hit to center on what was probably the hardest-hit ball of the three that he hit. He played well, we split the DH, and he was very happy when I put him to bed last night.
Then it was home for dinner, and Mrs. Puppy whipped up various pasta -- fettucine alfredo and cavatelli w/red sauce and italian sausage, bread sticks and a salad.
We both got kind of sad at dinner as S12 started talking about the vacations he wants to go on this summer. :o(
Thanks for checking on me. At one point yesterday morning, W took a call on her cellphone and mumbled "Who the heck is this?" as she looked at her caller I.D., she took the call, and then went outside and shut the sliding glass door to have a good 30-minute conversation, part of which she made it a point to have far away from the back door.
Puppy
P.S. Florida is a "no-fault" state, unfortunately.
You know the "signs" like the back of your hand, and I see them as well.
Remind me again, did you and Mrs. Puppy go to a counselor or plan out how to fix the problems in your marriage once the affair was finally stopped? I think you said that Mrs. Puppy refused those things, am I right? I know you two went to Retrouvaille...
I'm praying for you and your family right now. (((Puppy))))
You know the "signs" like the back of your hand, and I see them as well.
Remind me again, did you and Mrs. Puppy go to a counselor or plan out how to fix the problems in your marriage once the affair was finally stopped? I think you said that Mrs. Puppy refused those things, am I right? I know you two went to Retrouvaille...
I'm praying for you and your family right now. (((Puppy))))
WDID,
When we reconciled, we mutually agreed to take a couple of months to just do NOTHING, to emotionally re-charge from the strain of the fight, but agreed that when the two months or so were over, that we would need some sort of counseling. We went to three separate sessions together, and I went to my individual one (the MC had wanted to see both of us individually, but my wife didn't make her appt.). My wife didn't even do the most basic assignment of the MC (to try to speak Puppy's SECOND love language (words of affirmation), since the first one -- physical touch -- was such a long-term issue with us. I was to help more around the house (which I did), and she was to look for ways to compliment me (she didn't).
We stopped going to the MC because it was expensive, she wasn't very good, and I felt like if my wife wasn't even going to do the most basic of assignments, then what was the point??
How was Retrouvaille for each of you (PDT & W) given your situation?
I would think that if just one of you is not on board, it would be a fairly negative experience and result, right?
It was like an emotional enema. It DRAINED us. I felt like it opened up most (if not all) of our wounds, but left us no time to work on healing any of them, which they admitted wasn't really the focus on the weekend. It was supposed to be more about communication, and my wife and I never really had that much trouble communicating in the later years of our marriage. We each felt like we could have completed each other's Retro assignments, that's how well we knew what each other's issues and complaints and feelings were.
The bottom line is, my wife has never expressed any serious interest in doing what it took to work on our marriage at any committed level. This was a problem BEFORE her infidelity; it would ultimately prove to be a dealbreaker for me AFTER what her affair put me through.
I just wanted to say I am thinking of you. I read about your weekend, and I'm glad to hear that your son had such a great game--I'm sure that made you happy and proud. One thing I heard from numerous pastors and counselors, was that the thing to do is be open and honest with your kids. It's so important that you communicate with them throughout this. I know that can be very hard, but everyone in the know says that that's the best policy. Anyhow, I hope you are doing alright and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
They are the WORLD to me!! As I write this, S12 is IMing me from home, telling me how excited he is to watch the Yankees on TV with me tonite. Sometimes, Life is good.
