Kids say the fights with OW are terrible and ugly.
OW clawed ex's face the other week. The 4 year old said it started bleeding.
Ex walks around telling the kids constantly that he "has no regrets in getting rid of me". What an inappropriate thing to say to your children regarding their mother.
It is funny now, those things don't really hit my heart like they use to. That searing pain we all have felt when we find out something appalling or the Ml'er says something demeaning, hateful, or nasty toward us.
Now it is just a "twinge" and then I move forward or just focus on what I was doing. We have learned that if we concentrate on every hateful thing the ML'er does we will become hateful..... So we let pass. I guess this is what detachment is all about.
We are only successful though at detachment if we are able to process the horrible thing and not let it affect ourselves or others. We have to be careful that we don't take this anger we feel and dump it on someone else. That would make us as bad as the ML'er. I am guilty of doing this, but awareness is the key. If you are aware that this happens, you can control it.
Thus, the difference between us and the ML'er is awareness. Awareness is the ability to look within, a sense of self, an examination of the soul. I really feel my Ml'er has never examined himself. He has never taken the time to get to know who he is, what he believes in, and who his higher power is. He has always just focused on superficial things like, what do I need to acquire, when will I make my first million, and are my teeth white enough.
God knows if we did not have awareness before, as standers we sure have it now. We had to take a hard road in examining ourselves, our boundaries and our belief system. As we progress through our journey the distance between our souls and the Ml'ers get farther and farther apart. Our growth is staggering, our pain monumental. The Ml'ers are so far away from us they no longer appear human. Thus the birth of the "alien".
The difficulty in reconciling or restoring this marriage is finding a common ground with our souls. Meeting each other halfway, wanting to fix what is broken. It requires divine intervention. That is the only explanation for those people who have made a better marriage out of this mess. That and a hell of a lot of work.
Even though our fate is not clear to us, we need to move on. We all wonder if we will get that opportunity to work on our marriages. Some of us have decided that it is not worth it. Whatever one decides, it is ok. One thing I do know is this, our future relationships will be more meaningful, less superficial, special, more loving and expressive. We will stop and smell the roses so to speak. No more taking one for granted. Our lives are forever changed for the better.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
