Not sure if this was a good or bad thing. Today is his mom's birthday and normally he would be home and I would tell her happy birthday when he called her. I have never had the pleasure of meeting them in person as they live in Canada and we have been in financial difficulties due to me having surgery, me not being able to find a job, and him not working. I do regret this. I would have loved to have met the people who raised my husband. Anywho, long story short, I called to wish her a happy birthday. She asked how the kids were and I let her know they were unhappy and sad. She asked how I was and I said I as confused and did not know what was going on. She said herself that she and her hubsand (who are divorcing themselves) don't really know what is going on. That they are waiting to find out themselves. I let them know that counseling was available to H if he wanted it through my work. I also let her know that I loved him very much. She said that was a good thing. I have no idea how this is going to effect me going dark and not speaking to my husband. It's been 4 days and counting. I don't think he has the job that he was waiting on and this is not going to be good for him. He mentioned that he has to finish this. I am not sure what this is. I had a rough night last night. I ended up getting so angry and wondering if I even wanted to be in a relationship with my H. I have my own issues of things he has done that I could have very well chosen to D over, but I made a promise of for better or worse and have always been willing to work on my for worse when I know what it is I am supposed to be working on. I still know that I was not perfect in our relationship. There were things I did that I am not proud of and would like to be given the opportunity to improve about myself. I can't take the past back. I don't expect him to fix the past. I just want to make a better present and future with someone who is my best friend and who I have tremendous feelings for.
antlers, I thank you for reading and replying to my posts. You make good points and help me to calm down.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
