I am sure the candle has to do with the miracle night, Saturday night, but I don't know your traditions. Why did he give you a candle? I am glad you appreciated it, it must have a special meaning...
The Easter service is held at night and the holy light is given by our priests to the people waiting outside the church and then at midnight all candles are lit and we sing hymns, one basically that says "Christ is alive, resurected from the dead, beat death etc etc". We move our candles and we kiss the kiss of love. That's why all godparents buy their godkids ( I have 3!!! ) candles for Easter. These are special candles, decorated, with color, mine was pink and had little things hanging on pink ribbons...
Did you know that every year at Jerusalem, at the Holy grave, the light appears on its own, out of nowhere, shoots in the cave, banging from wall to wall as in sci-fi movies and only when an Orthodox priest of the "Greek" (not Greek in the nation sense of the word) church is there? Once an Armenian priest went in to get it after fights etc, and he waited until next day and nothing happened. At least that's what I heard the other day. Funny, huh?
For us Easter is more important than Christmas and we celebrate it more.
Its a no-brainer, if you dont love someone anymore, theres nothing to fight for. In fact, when you dont love someone anymore you dont want to fight, or even be near them, its a relief to be free of them, away from them. Love is all there is, without that, you are just friends (not even that sometimes).
And the stuff in bold is what I am working with right now.
K--I updated my thread got to get off of here quickly!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Oh Maria, that is a lovely story, and I love the candle tradition. I just might incorporate it into my own Easter celebrations. We do an Easter vigil and the Easter candle is lit.For practising Christians it is also the most important festival but we tend to celebrate low key. Holy week is largely ignored by the majority. Christmas is far more commersialized. For my silver wedding my H took me to Jerusalem and we saw all the sights of importance to our faith,including the Church,my x left several years later maybe he saw the "light" I hope your candle symbolises the light and new beginnings and new life to your marriage. Take care.
I think asking for a white M would shock him. It might be a good thing. Maybe telling him again that you need affection and sex might get his butt moving. Or it might completely backfire.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I've got an idea about the s*x thing.. but not for here, will have to save it for IM! Too blue... Anyway, that is lovely he got that for you.. did he have to go choose it especially for you? And was that touching, being pink with dangly bits (ha, maybe he is trying to make you think of him! no, ok, thats rude and sacriligious). What a difference to last year, when he left before midnight.. so thats really something hey. But I'm still curious about the MP3 music, maybe your H has a hidden romantic nature he finds it hard to express...
fb2, I was assertive when he asked back. I asked if he really wanted/was prepared to work with me to "fix" things and he said yes. Does he sound like is? I dont want him back in the house. I still feel him as a stranger. I would need some kind of small progress before we would do such a move. Right now I am thinking I will move the OTHER way, away from him... I think the time we will spend together these next days will show me how to proceed. K
K, I've been reading very carefully. You are putting up a fight! It appears to me that he too has been "working' and that there has indeed been some 'small progress'. It also appears to me that you want to stay married and you love him. What seems to be coming in the way? What's slowing things down? Perhaps its your 'expectations' and your 'hurt'? You seem to be trying to push him away? It seems clear that he does not 'get it', he moved out, is addicted to work, had an OW, etc. Why not instead accept where things are, accept him for what he is NOW, forgive the past and work from here? That way he's much more likely to be intimate with you again, right now he simply does not know where he stands with you, her perhaps feels like your holding a gun to his head and he's the type who does not yet have the skills to break that barrier between you. He's not comfortable giving you a hug unless you ask for it, or staying over night because he can sense the barrier. If you wait for the sun and the moon to line up, other events may happen in between to ruin the 'timing' further and put up a bigger wall. Yes, life is short and yes it is also very long! Can you forever set aside the fantasies of H1 and Idaho and D? How could you use your religious faith and culture to work for both of you? Where is the common ground? How can you tear down that wall? Glad you dismissed the idea of 'white-marriage'. Did you read 'Imperfect Harmony'? What do you clearly want to do give the reality?
I actually agree with FB2 a little here.. as I was just thinking today that you need to forgive him, really forgive him and I'm not sure you have yet? Also, yes, lower that wall, but we talked about that one before...
Fantasies of H1? Noooo, you got me wrong. No such thing. No regrets there, maybe a few regarding my "shortsightness" (sp?). Nothing else. The rest of the "fantasies" as you call it, let's just say, H is lucky there is an ocean...
Progress? You really see progress? Where exactly? 6 months now you call a candle progress? I was happy to get it and appreciated it but I didnt appreciate the fact that 4 days we spent together I felt the way I was feeling a couple of years ago. fb2 and Al, one thing I believe that we have all been reading about here is that UNLESS some serious changes take place, the couple will end up to the same situation again. I fear it would only be a matter of a couple of months before I felt resentement and anger again.
He doesnt feel comfortable enough to hug me? (not talking about sex, any kind of physical contact). Well, where is the man I need to just expose himself, take chances, risk to get rejected, where is the man that wants me? Because, trust me, there hasnt been ONE time all these months that I rejected any kind of positive action from his side, not to him at least.
He has his maps, his GPS,his passwords, his inside info, his confindece (how many women would accept him back do you think the way I did?). WTH does he want still to actually start approaching me. I dont want a partner to raise my kids to be happy. I told him I want a lover and a friend that just happens to have kids with me as well... I want to feel togetherness. He is slipping too much back to the old sitch again. These last few days were very telling. He wants comfortable, easy, not giving much, not asking for much.
Common ground? Funny you mentioned this. I was telling him how Good Friday is important to me, ever since I was a kid, "he hates it because there are too many people at the church", I got dressed up (not much, just didnt wear jeans) to go to the service at night, "he felt lazy and didnt want to go"... I told him today, he is making everything "flat", religion, birthdays, anniversaries, long weekends, every day is the same for him. It had become for me too but you know what? This is what life is all about. And all these days are excuses to celebrate, to enjoy. We dont have many chances, why ruin those as well?
Forgive him? How? Forgive him the past, sure. How do I forgive the present? How do I ignore the "now" without going back to the same old chit again? He is refuelling my anger by acting the same way, ignoring my needs, ignoring me in general. K
Please don't bite my head off for this, but why not tell him exactly what you need. Say, H I need you to hug me when you come in and hug me when you leave. As that becomes a regular occurrence move on to the next thing. He apparently needs to take babysteps because he isn't capable of the big ones.
Put aside your anger, take his hand and lead the way.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
