It's Complicated! Part 5

[glamgirl]

H offered to clean my car today. I graciously let him. It was an odd day. H worked on some things. We didn't really talk much. He took me to get groceries and Target.

He said he would be back AM on Saturday. When he left he just said goodbye, see you tomorrow. That was it. No walking him to the door, nothing.

He made some comment about my butt, but that was it. No affection nothing, as if we are just friends. Weird, but whatever.

No expectations for saturday. Life goes on!

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Nice of your H to wash you car. Just let him be. Obviously, he needs time to think what he wants and to get through his MLC journey.

Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks TL for stopping by. Not much going on. H sold his old car yesterday, the one he had before he bought his mercedes. It has just been sitting in our driveway, so that is good news. We finally moved it after 5 months.

H took us out for icecream yesterday. I did break my detox. It is so hard when temptation comes along. H left earlier than usual, said he was tired. I still think he has a gluten allergy. He really needs to detox his own body and see if cutting out gluten makes a difference. He has stomach and sleep issues everytime he eats anything with gluten.

I know it's hard for my h to cut out all the foods he once loved to eat, but I really don't think he will have much choice. Either that or he keeps feeling lousy from his food choices. Once again, I just encourage but h will need to make that step to change his food choices. I can only support.

When h left he just said goodbye see you tomorrow. No hug or kiss, just as if we are friends. Not sure what to think here. H did say he is off all meds. I asked how he was feeling, he just shrugged his shoulders and said ok. Not sure at all what that means, but I just listened.

I am beginning to wonder if I really am the right person for my h. I don't think I am who he would like me to be as a w and support partner. Thinking.........

[Silent Chrleader]

..... H did say he is off all meds. I asked how he was feeling, he just shrugged his shoulders and said ok. Not sure at all what that means.......

Oh, No!!! Not again!! Your H has gotta stop doing that!!! Those meds are not to treated that way. I know from experience! I know you can't make him take them, and he's an adult, but for pete's sake!!!

.....I am beginning to wonder if I really am the right person for my h. I don't think I am who he would like me to be as a w and support partner. Thinking.........

No!! I have to disagree with this one. He goes of the meds and then spirals down a bit and takes you with him! Not OK! You are a wonderful partner who has shown him complete unconditional love for years!! Do you think he could find that so easily with just anybody out there? He knows he can't and that's why he is still coming around!! (I so envy you that.....and I don't think I am ever going to get there!).

Hang in there, {{{{{{Glam}}}}}}!!!

[job]

Glam,
I'm glad the car finally sold. It will look different w/it gone out of the driveway.

I do hope that your h didn't take it upon himself to do away w/all meds on his own. ADs need to be decreased gradually or else they will crash from the withdrawal. Hopefully he is under a doctor's care and is being seen regularly.

Please do not allow your h to pull you down into his dark hole and spiral emotionally again. You will need to step back and allow him to spiral downward to hit bottom. I'm very sorry to hear that he's off the meds. They did appear to help him when he took them properly.

Please do not doubt yourself. You've been there for him throughout all of this and you are still there. Love him from afar for now. Please take are of yourself and your children. Your h will need to learn the hard way that you cannot be there to rescue him at every turn.

[Upside]

I am beginning to wonder if I really am the right person for my h. I don't think I am who he would like me to be as a w and support partner. Thinking.........

I am thinking the opposite...maybe my H isn't the right person for me. I think he was before when he was able to show me love and respect but he can no longer do that and I don't know if he ever will be able to again. All of my H's flaws are now glaring me now in the face and I don't know if I really to deal with all of that. I think it would be okay if he would value my opinion and try to take better care of himself pysically and emotionally but he doesn't have the capability to care about what I think or feel anymore. He said to the C once that he can't imagine his life without me but I don't think he can imagine his life with me either. It is all so sad and I don't really understand why this had to happen. I suppose God has his reasons.

You are doing such a great job of not letting your H's change in attitude effect you. Even with the positives in my sitch, I am getting close to being done. You have two great reason (your kids) to keep going and I would do the same thing if I were in your sitch.

Keep hanging in there. I hope and pray that good things will start to happen for you.

(((HUGS)))

[stella_k]

Glam,

just wanted to stop by and give you a (((HUG))).

[glamgirl]

Thanks all so much for the encouragment. On one hand I feel done and don't want to continue with my h, since I feel he thinks so little of me.

I also see positives, but so little in movement. For example, h said he was going to share with me where he is living in C 4 months ago and then says no I don't want to say.

He also said most recently he would start spending the night. That has yet to happen. A start would have been the night before Easter, so he was here in the morning for the kids.

I guess what I am expecting from him is too much, but our R is in a stall and something needs to happen.

H did stop the meds cold turkey with NO Dr care. It's not my problem and I am not his mother, so I have to just look the other direction. I give him advice, but I don't even think it's welcomed by him. All I can do is encourage healthy eating, natural vitamins, and exercise. Which he has yet to follow.

When he wants to make changes for his life, he will but I have yet to see progress in that area. He still blames me for all his issues.

I feel good though. Day 7 of detoxing. I was never so excited to eat veggies in my life.

[naej]

Hi Glam, I am sorry your H is still stuck,hard and fast.
I certainly don't feel you expect to much from him as a husband but maybe as the person he is now yes.

I also see positives, but so little in movement. For example, h said he was going to share with me where he is living in C 4 months ago and then says no I don't want to say.

He also said most recently he would start spending the night. That has yet to happen. A start would have been the night before Easter, so he was here in the morning for the kids.

It will be 3 years I guess since you started this come August have you never known where he lives? that is amazing.
Why do you think he keeps it a secret? did you go over to his place before and make a fuss or have you never known.
My x was a complete waw/mlc who knows really, but although he never saw us every time he moved which was quite a few times he made sure I had the address and phone numbers to contact him.
You are right something does need to happen or you could still be here 3 years down the line( that happens more than you think)
Snodderly suggested being less available, doing your own things and not waiting on him, could you step all that up a gear, good for you on the taxes btw.
Has the fact he has never stayed a night been brought up in C again after he made that promise? just wondered what options they offered you.
I guess you just leave him were he is and move ahead, he can catch up. It is so frustrating for you and life is moving on years wise for us all and it is so sad b/c these years never come again.

Do you have the veggies cooked or raw? Are you looking for an allergy/intolerance or just kick starting a diet?
Take care.

[glamgirl]

Naej I have never know where he lives. When this all first started I did show up at his work demanding things. H filed a restraining order against me, it was later dropped. He told the C he doesn't want me showing up at his place if he doesn't follow through with things. To him, it's his only place of solitude. He thinks I haven't changed and that I will do this again. It's a mess Naej.

I am doing the detox to try and jumpstart my dieting and to see if it helps in moving a few pounds. I seemed to be stuck with dropping weight too. Something is happening though, my skin is feeling so soft. I won't weigh in until day 22.