Hi guys, thanks for the wishes. Well, I am totally confused and of course it shows here and in my RL too. Forrest, I keep "working on it" as you say because sadly I am holding on to the memories, the possibility of him changing the way he loves me. I am not hoping he will change. I am hoping he will realise that what he does is not enough.
We had a quiet Easter. I cant remember any other time spending Easter with my family like this. Just the 4 of us. It was my choice and I am glad I did that cause my kids enjoyed it alot spending time with their parents. My son is extra excited because he can now ride a bike. He wanted his father to teach him and his father had never the time to do so. So he was riding the bike but refused to let my dad take the extra help wheels off, "his dad had to do it". Finally his dad did it yesterday and of course my son is riding like the wind (he is 7,5 had been ready for quite some time for this).
Me and H didnt fight or anything. We did have some differences about the kids on a few things which is weird because we never did, but no big problem was created.
Last night I asked him why wont he hug me and he did. As if he had fogotten to until I asked. Saturday night he gave me my candle. I totally didnt expect that. It was a nice surprise.
I do love him Ali. I love him, he is my family. I need to either accept he cant give me much more than he does, accept that I will have to live in a sexless marriage, deprived of affection and ask him to move back home or accept that I will always feel close to him, but will move on to find somebody that can love me the way I need to be loved. It's so hard to put my needs first and not my kids' needs.
This weekend for the first time, I thought of asking him to agree to a "white marriage". Stay together for the kids, for a few years but live separate, secret private lives. I dont know what he would say about that. I decided not to, especially because I didnt want to have such a discussion during these days.
I am getting good at not reacting on impulse and I am taking things as they come for now. Another month cant hurt me. K
