FWIW, anytime you have to say something defensive like "I dropped it then. I shouldn't have taken it that far, I know. I just don't understand..." it probably means that you were shooting yourself in the foot, knew you were shooting yourself in the foot, and did it anyway. ;P
If he wants to come clean, if he wants to try an exclusive romantic R with you, HE WILL MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR. If that is not where he is, then he will not be clear on it, precisely because it is not his intent.
Quit pursuing XH so heavily, I feel crowded by you lol. One of the easiest ways for XH to feel the space he needs from you, BTW, when you won't make it for him, is for him to create it by reaching out to OW.
Finally, if you don't feel like you are getting anything out of his companionship, then you should probably just let go and move on...
