I'm feeling so discouraged

[PortlandDad]

Meli,
You have no reason to feel bad about asking him about money! He is the father of the kids, he has an obligation to take care of them, too. I don't think that it was a backslide, or a outside the realm of DBing to ask for money, especially if you need it. You are entitled to it, so it was within your rights to ask. His blow up about it was out-of-line. It isn't as though you are using the money for bon-bons and pedicures! You bought him sheets for his bed fer cryin out loud and then he has the nerve to blow up on you for asking him to pay his share of the kids' expenses? wow.

You handled it well, though. I wouldn't have been as agreeable, but that is just me. You have to pick your battles and maybe this one just isn't as important. Let him have the battle while you work on the strategy to win the war (your M).

Another thing that bothers me about his attitude: you have three kids at home! Does he think that kids raise themselves? He has no right or reason to say that you have been eating cake for 10 years. I can be a major hypocrite, and on this issue I certainly am! My W was a SAHM for 14 years, and the minute she walked out, I initially called her a cake-eater, too! Now that I'm a single parent, I can see the amount of work that it takes to raise a family, and the fact that my W did it almost entirely by herself gives me a new sense of respect and admiration for her. I hope that your H comes to this realization in time, too.

You are working on making yourself better. You are taking classes, working on your career, etc. If that doesn't show your H that you want to contribute to the financial welfare of the family then nothing will. Don't stew over this point; you are doing just fine.

As far as detaching goes, I've found that the more detached I became, the better I felt about stuff. The first three months I was obsessive and depressed. After that, as I started just dealing with life events and not worrying so much about her, I noticed a night-and-day difference in my mood. Not to lie, but I still think about my W but I usually don't get depressed about it any more. I still do wake up alone in the night and wish she was there, though...

Be strong, Meli, you are still doing what is right and you are approaching each encounter correctly. Just be patient (yeah, I hear you about patience not being one out our virtues!) and sit back and see what happens.

I hope you have a good week!