Newly separated...spouse left.

[antlers]

How far have you read???

The entire book helps you put things in perspective & provides background for the techniques used, specifically.. the HEALS technique.

The boot camp section is for the abuser.. it starts on, at least in my paperback copy on p. 147.

You may find the following list ensightful for thought..

for the spouse who has left an abuser & wondering if he has changed...

You should notice after he does the work of the Boot Camp that he consistently everyday:

1- Values & appreciates you- you are important to him
2- Listens to you
3- Shows interest in you
4- is compassionate when you need him to be
5- Cares about how you fee, even when you disagree with him
6- Respects you as an equal and doesn't try to control you or dismiss your opinions
7- Shows affection without always expecting sex
8- Regulates his guilt, shame, anxiety, resentment & anger without blaming them on you
9- Shares his progress with you by showing you all his homework from boot camp including the relapse prevention chpater which he should review once a month.

once these are reached consistently (every day) & she learns compassionate trusting (which takes work on her part too).. Stosny says it is STILL another 6-9 months - before partners may fully reconcile & have a more healthy relationship

Good luck
Bridge

Bridgestone -

I'm on page 145 in 'Love Without Hurt' and I'm getting ready to start Part 3, The Boot Camp. Wow! What an eye-opener this book has been so far! I see myself on nearly every page. I now realize that compassion is the lifeblood of families...and my insensitivity to her perspective had created a marriage in which she had to walk on eggshells. I should have had so much more compassion for her. I made her feel unseen, unheard, and unattractive...disregarded, devalued, and rejected. I should have had, and promoted, compassion...I'm learning it's the only reliable prevention of resentment, anger, and abuse. Thank You for telling me about this book. I believe it will continue to be a great benefit to me, as it has so far. I hope you're doing well...haven't heard from you in awhile. I haven't seen you post anywhere on this board in awhile. I'll have some good thoughts for you.

Sincerely,

antlers