Also have you heard about the Retrouvaille weekends? Sara on here is pretty knowledgeable about them, you can look her up.
My H and I went to one, it didn't stick b/c he wasn't really committed to it like i thought he was. But one key lesson at the weekend is that love is a choice and forgiveness is a decision. There is a whole part about deciding to forgive, deciding to love, that would really help in this situation I think.
