i'm not spending much time on the boards these days, just wanted to catch my thread before it disappears and give you an update.
So, it's been a month since H left. I've heard from him twice or so and saw him two times - once I just ran into him by chance and we had a chat for about 5 min. Second time he called and asked if he could come over to pick up some stuff. He came and was very friendly anhd relaxed, chatted with me nicely and even told a few jokes.
I have been grieving/accepting/letting go and I think I've made some progress there. I'm not DBing anymore and - no, Glam! I'm not focusing on H and his doings at all:). I'm still thinking about him daily, mostly recalling our past, there is nothing I can do about it. But I also remind myself daily of the awful 10 days we've spent together in March and it helps a lot. I don't miss the man he has become, I don't love him and I don't want to be married to him. I'm really and truly done this time and I can feel the difference. I'm still sad, lonely and confused. I guess I'm depressed too (going to see a T about it this week). But I'm not WAITING for anything and it feels good.
Somehow the thought about dating started to occur to me lately. Right now I do not think/believe that I can meet a stranger and like him and, more importantly, that someone would like me. All I want at the moment is to talk to someone , may be flirt a little bit online, that's all. So I went and checked out a few dating sites. What a disappointment. Dating pool is swarming with frogs and I definitely wouldn't want to kiss any of them:(. Then again, may be I didn't find the right site. I wonder if there is a LBS friendly, flirting/dating/supportive site out there for people too damaged to start dating and too lonely to be fine on their own. LOL.
After all, it does get better. There are days when I don't understand why should I bother and get up and get dressed. But there are also, very few, but still - days when I feel alive and wanting to Do something, just go and live.
Plenty of (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) to all, to be continued.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
