Yes thanks Rob.. but I feel things are coming to a head now, I feel it instinctively.. after all, we cant go on like this for years, things will go one way or another soon.. but also, from everything I'm reading, we are reaching a point of conclusion soon (not yet!). He must be reaching a decision in himself.
Still not feeling too confident, not at all.. he texted a bit last night, but pretty neutral (no 'me' on the end), at least he replied hey (the last at 10pm). But they were both quite short.
The Piscean has been texting me this week too and I have replied in a neutral way and I guess kept the option there, as I wanted the chance to have another conversation with him about the past, seeing as all my assumptions about it seemed to have been wrong and I was stunned by how he saw it last week.
But I dont want to give him the wrong impresion, or encourage him at the same time, today, I deliberately replied with only Al again, leaving off a kiss...He picked up on it and said quite plainly "no kiss on the end of your text, I hope you're alright with me!"...my god, I have turned into my ex, keeping someone ELSE in limbo. This has given me massive insight into my WAS, but the puzzling thing is, it feels AWFUL to be in this position, to know for sure that someone is right there, waiting for you to give them that chance, that they love you and are thinking of you.. to do that to them makes me feel bad and awkward every time I get a message from him and have to reply.
I dont feel 100% that I want to tell him there is no chance, I admit to being intrigued and not yet wanting to burn my bridges.. but I replied honestly, I am ok with you, but I am still in contact with my ex..
and yet, I feel so responsible for potentially causing him hurt and unhappiness, even after barely any contact for 12 years, so its not really like he is losing anything (except the dream).. that tehre is NO WAY I could keep this up for long... a matter of weeks and then I would have to make a decision, or be more clear. There is no way I could keep him dangling for 18 MONTHS as my ex has done.. take me out for dinner, drinks, phone, text, email, hugs, presents.. ok, he has been very careful and never said to me how he feels, or about his doubts (only to friends and then still is holding back I suspect).. but we had 8/9 years living together before he put me throygh this, so its even more acute, the loss, the waiting and his actions have been way more than one visit and a handful of texts between me and the Piscean. I dont know how my ex has done it. One week of being in his position has not made me feel good about myself, I cant imagine how awful and stressful it has been for him, or how he's been able to keep it up for so long !!
Unless the two sitchs are not comparable and he has stronger feelings for me, and more inclined to come back than I have for the Piscean. But its strange to be suddenly thrust into the other persons shoes.
Reaslistically, I feel he is not making much sign that he is choosing me and I am now trying to prepare myself for the worst. I havent yet faced that I am heartbroken, because he helped me to keep the hope alive. Despite saying he loves me, I'm not getting a strong vibe he wants to get back into an R with me.
