I know the rollercoaster you are on is tough, I've been there as have the others here on the BB. It sucks.
I will say this, from what you say in your posts, even though you have stated you are through and want to file, your heart is not agreeing with you. You are firmly emotionally attached to your H. There is nothing wrong with that. It is also a sign that you are are a normal human being. The ability to love with intensity is strictly a human attribute. It seperates us from the other inhabitants on the planet.
I can also see your H is aas confused as ever. He is only with the OW out of guilt and shame. He is taking what he percieves to be the difficult path. A punishment of sorts for what he has done to his family. The odd thing about this is it also allows him to escape the pain of seeing the effects on his family. In effect he recognizes his screw up, is punishing himself, but also realizes it is easier than facing the consequences of hi sactions if he returns home. And you thought your emotions were a wreck!!
It is difficult to detach emotionally while in constant contact. You already know this, but in your situation, I elieve befriending your H will draw him back to you. You have to decide if that is what you want.
Find all the patience you can and move forward, set boundaries and stick to them. Your rules, not his. When he follows, validate his feelings. This is a difficult path, but you will find success.
