Puppy...it is only because I have seen so much divorce in my own life, plus now seen so many divorces at my work...that I know that it will be much harder than you think it will. It always is. Your emotions will run deeper than you think they will. Yes, even worse (or on par with) the emotions during her affair and afterwards. I know it doesn't make sense intellectually, which is why so many people ignore this advice and try to go through it with no counseling or support group. Because intellectually, it seems like "well this is just the end of the process, we've already gone through the hard parts". But that just isn't true. The hardest parts are yet to come, and no it has nothing to do with your particular sitch.
The attorney I work for has been doing this for over 20 years, and she actually specializes in mediation and collaboraton, she will not do litigation because of the painful situations involved. And she also specializes in uncontested, amicable divorces. And yet STILL, she tells every client who comes in her office door to get a divorce coach or an IC who specializes in divorce. Even if two people are just happy to be done with each other, there are emotions that come into play which they never expected.
Tonight my emotions are out of control... I dont know why I let him crush my heart over and over.
Hubby and I text everyday...we are friends..we talk about work, kids, life,our issues.
The last two days or so ..he has told me how he thinks of me all the time..our life..the kids..wont really touch base on feelings for her..(i asked) but he knows how deep my love is. Tells me he is so confused..messed up in the head. We swapped photos he misses me..yet....
After him telling me all this..he still took my children to her house tonight..I am freaking out... there is nothing I can do about it...it was supposed to at least be a week away..he did it early..I had hope things would change.
I just cant get my emotions under control... I absolutely hate this....
I know the rollercoaster you are on is tough, I've been there as have the others here on the BB. It sucks.
I will say this, from what you say in your posts, even though you have stated you are through and want to file, your heart is not agreeing with you. You are firmly emotionally attached to your H. There is nothing wrong with that. It is also a sign that you are are a normal human being. The ability to love with intensity is strictly a human attribute. It seperates us from the other inhabitants on the planet.
I can also see your H is aas confused as ever. He is only with the OW out of guilt and shame. He is taking what he percieves to be the difficult path. A punishment of sorts for what he has done to his family. The odd thing about this is it also allows him to escape the pain of seeing the effects on his family. In effect he recognizes his screw up, is punishing himself, but also realizes it is easier than facing the consequences of hi sactions if he returns home. And you thought your emotions were a wreck!!
It is difficult to detach emotionally while in constant contact. You already know this, but in your situation, I elieve befriending your H will draw him back to you. You have to decide if that is what you want.
Find all the patience you can and move forward, set boundaries and stick to them. Your rules, not his. When he follows, validate his feelings. This is a difficult path, but you will find success.
I am an extremely emotional person as is... i have always worn them on my sleeve.. im easy to read!
As of yesterday when he said he was taking my children to her house, I cut off all contact. I need to move foreward for me. I am focusing on one step and one day at a time and trying to be happy. Letting God lead the way!
Today was a beautiful day.. I came home from work to mow the lawn..GRR.. no gas.
So, instead I cleaned the garage and started packing. Hubby has stuff from the last time he moved out in a pile not yet even put away..I got it and others packed and taped up..started a pile.. It may not be much..spent about an hour and half ..but its a start. Will work towards his clothes in the closet tomorrow.
My kids came home from her house and said they were buying bunkbeads...
I dont believe he will be happy..I know he loves me...in some way. [censored], he just told me Friday he thinks about me all the time! But if being with her makes him feel like a "man" then so be it.
I will graciously walk away..I know i need and deserve more. Funny, I saw my cousin today..she is in the middle of a divorce, long term marriage like mine. He cheated on her also.
She said ..he wants to come back..hmm how ironic, isnt that what everyone always says happens. Thats part of why I tried to hold on so long..hoping we could salvage our life..if my hubby ever changed his mind. But, I have come to realize that 1. that might not ever happen and 2. maybe this is in Gods plan for me..someone better that may actually love me for me.
I want you to know when he sees you moving forward he may find himself questioning his decision. I want you to prepare yourself for this. I'm not saying you need to make any type of decision, just simply prepare. Run some scenarios through your head. Prepare your responses.
If I remember correctly, when he returned previously, it was because you began to move forward with your life. I expect the same to happen again. He has feelings for you, he knows he has done wrong. His confusion will falter and his true intent will prevail, let's see what it is.
Guys... OMG.. I actually heard his voice on the phone tonight..first time in like 4 weeks..we usually only text...I so miss his voice.
It sucks ..he says he is done. It was horrible, of course I cried... I just want to crawl under a rock. He is my best friend and its so hard to do anything without him.
He ended it with we will talk later.. im sure just to shut me up. I cant stop crying tonight.....
It's always tough to hear things like this from someone you care so much about, but remember they are just words. He's said them before and his thoughts have changed.
Find strength in knowing you are on the right path. You never have to hang your head, your dignity and character speak volumes.
I havent been on in a few days, nothing really new and exciting going on in my world.
I still have pretty much daily communication with my hubby, some good some bad..all depends on the day and if I press any issues.
He did make comments to me about loving two women. How hard it is.... ugh... if he loves her... he cant possibly love me the way I want to be loved. I would hope there is no comparison..our 20 years together vs a year- year and half affair.
I was very proud of him..he did take the steps to talk to a councelor...all I can pray is he figures out what will make him happy ...
Makes me cry thinking he will never want to be home...
It sucks... I guess the loneliness I feel now is how alone he felt in our life...
he misses me..yet....