INTERESTING!!!!

[Treese]

Sunshine...

OMG...I used to call him all the time when he left...for stupid stuff...he quit answering his phone...I would try to know where he was all the time...my sister lives out by where he works, and I would ask her to go see if he was really at work...he would go stay with OW and her X would call and tell me that he was at her house...one time I called him and he said, "we were just sitting here laughing waiting for you to call"....now that ripped my heart apart...the fact that he is laughing about his wife who is torn apart by him leaving and the one he said he loved for 30 years...it was crushing...he said it was none of my business anymore....i would cry all the time...I mean all the time...if I think about it now I cant believe I made it through that...but I did...I guess I just got to the point I knew he wasnt coming home...at least for a long time..I would be on here and see that some were here for like 2 years and I couldn't believe it was lasting that long...well, here I am 2 years into it and nothing has changed except I don't cry as much...I do go out now...with my friends...and have as much fun as I can...I don't want to regret anything...my kids keep me really busy and with my oldest getting married next year, I will be busier as the months go by....we do give them way too much space in our heads...they don't deserve it...they WALKED out on us, we were just left behind to pick up the pieces...if there is one thing I want to be able to accomplish, it's what Snodderly and YR are teaching me...to get them out of my head...it's not worth the anxiety it causes me...it's just hard to do...Time and what's that other word, Oh yeah, PATIENCE....the toughest word of all....

As for taking pictures down...well, one day my D16 was very angry with her dad, he was here for some reason, she yelled at him and went over in front of him and took down the family portrait....I knew then I had to change some things...my children can have pictures if they want in their room but I don't have any in the main house because i don't want to look at him...then I went on a painting spree....I've painted most of my house...H has seen it, actually made fun of my bedroom, but Ididn't care because lots of other people saw it and loved it..besides, it was for me, not him....

and now, my yard is my new thing....I will make it so full of color and beauty....I can't wait....

to answer your question...my H has been w this OW for at least 2 years...she's trash to me....and right now I don't like him much either...

I do have alot of love to give....he loses....my children are my life at the moment and will always be number 1 but I hope in time, that I can love again and have a healthy relationship,whether it be with my H or someone else...but I've changed too...I want to be respected, I deserve it...I don't think my H really ever did...and that's sad...maybe being 14 when I met him I was to naive to realize but I don't regret...I loved 100%...always....I wasnt perfect but I feel I did give what I could...Im working on me, my not so good points, and what I can do to be a better me...I've learned alot of that from coming here....

YR & Snodderly have always put me in my place if needed and have been sensitive to how I've felt...it's not easy, and as you can see I fall....ALOT...but I'm learning to get back up and keep going....

Sorry for being so long winded.....take care....

Treese