WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 7

[confusedinpa]

My boys woke up around 6:30. I went into their room and I could both seemed a little down. My 7 year old said he wanted me to go to mommy's place as well. I said I couldn't. My 3 year old started to cry saying he wanted to stay with me. It was sad but I knew I had to be strong for them

I got them dressed and then had them collect some toys for them to take with them. They seemed ok by the time my wife came to pick then up.

We chatted lightly about the kids. Then she packed up the kids stuff. I got hugs from the boys and said I would see them Thurs. As they drove away in the car, I waved to them from the driveway and could see my oldest tearing up.

Oddly, I was only really upset for about 5 minutes once I got inside. I thought about crying it out but it was over very quickly. I thought it would have been harder. Maybe it is really over. Maybe I'm getting depressed again where I'm shutting down my emotions. Maybe I'm just numb from it hurting so much for so long. I don't know

I will be going to church this morning. First time in years where I went 2 weeks in a row

I will be praying for strength and wisdom to survive this situation

It hurts and I'm mad...