Just so you all know I have made all of these feelings known to H and he understands where I'm coming from, but he just doesn't see it the same way as I do (wow...shocker!) because that is how his family operates.
So...he "understands" BUT isn't willing or just can't step back for a moment to think about how this is affecting his W and his M? This is how his family operates...so does that mean that YOU just need to accept this and that's that? Hmm...
What, if anything, would be the compromise here? What would you each be ok and happy with?
I had a feeling it was probably about the money, too. Let's be honest - can anyone really blame MIL in this economy? But the money isn't the issue here. We're talking about your feelings - that's what's important and what should be addressed. Kat gave you a good approach.
Personally, I think your MIL did think this through, but for her own reasons - financial ones. Family, loyalty, or whatever you want to call it, probably wasn't in there. I am sure she didn't do this to hurt you, but I can certainly understand why you would feel that way, and I'm sorry. It's been a long, hard road for you and the kids.
If you're going to talk to her about this, I would, as Kat suggested, explain that you understand this is her decision, and you respect that, but it deeply hurts you. Tell her why it hurts you, how it hurts you...but do it without placing blame or fault. Like...you wouldn't want to say, "You KNEW how much crap I went through...what the kids went through...and you're still going to help this person?" Not that that's what you would say, but I think you get what I mean. No guilt trips. The point is to have yourself be heard and hopefully understood. Maybe MIL will rethink it and apologize, maybe she won't. That part is out of your control and something you will really have to work at accepting. I know you said you have, and I believe you. I just know that for myself, a lot of times I'm pretty confident about some things and I'll say this or that doesn't bother me or that I don't care if xyz happens, but the truth deep down is...I do care.
(((((Corey)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
