The trick xalelle is being able to listen and validate. I'm not sure that he will contact me if I don't contact him first. I stopped at the gym and put his mail in the box in the truck. His truck was there, but that doesn't guarantee that he was there. I have no idea if he even knows that the mail is there or if he will look. Wondering if I should send him a brief email telling him that it's there? I'm trying to not initiate any contact, but I am so scared that he won't attempt himself. I hate this being in limbo feeling and I don't see how so many others do this for weeks, months, and even years. I know deep in my heart that we can beat this. I have never wanted to work on myself so much in my life. I still wonder if part of the reason he is doing this is to prove to himself that he can take care of himself. Not sure what that means in regard to me. Also, do not know if it isn't to prove it to someone else. I ended up accepting his shortcomings and nagged and became his mom. Never wanting that role, but how do you make someone want to do things? I'm learning that being encouraging and doing things with him would have gone a long way. Why is it so hard to get him to see that I get it now? I know it's going to take time. I just fear that he will decide that this is not the life he wants. I know I can live without him, but I prefer to have him in my life.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
